Sunday, March 22, 2009

Ruskie Business

Soooooo on this fine day of rest I feel like Vladimir Putin’s ass. You’re right, I don’t actually know what his ass feels like…I’ve never touched it…it’s a metaphor people! Anyway, I’m amazed that scientific researchers have come up with a pill that you can take the morning after a wild sex romp sans birth control to prevent What’s His Face, Jr BUT they can’t/won’t/don’t make a pill that you (me) can take the night after drinking like the Russian Prime Minister.

I don’t know what Vlad does on days like today, if I ever meet him I’ll be sure to ask. This morning I woke up cursed the scale and my diet by eating two hot dogs with a side of marinara sauce...yea, I’m weird. I doubt if I would touch a hot dog in Russia. Rootin’ Tootin’ Putin probably just eats some borscht and shoots someone in the face. Unfortunately I don’t have a gun.

I’m quite certain that Putin and me have a lot more in common than just a love for vodka. In fact I’ll bet he shouts expletives at his hair, like I do. I 'm sure when his favorite pants are at the cleaners, he too makes heads roll. I also believe, like me, Vlad is a big fan of Sex and the City…’cept he wanted Carrie to end up with the Ruskie and I was glad she kicked that Commie to the curb for Mr. Big.

I’m sure these are safe assumptions to make; also I have no plans to visit The Russian Federation…but if I go missing…Vladi read this post and as I suspected, he’s still pissed about how SATC ended.

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