Thursday, February 23, 2012

Dog Day Afternoon

This post is about dogsitting or dog sitting...whatever I'm doing it. My husband's friend/attorney is out of town doing something lawyer-y. I hope he's having fun...and refrains from attaching his phone to his belt at all costs. Anyway, his lab, Lucky is in our care.

Lucky is a hunting dog. She is playful, hyper and loves to be outside. I have a Chihuahua, Fergie. Fergie (named after The [former] Duchess of York <- important to clarify) is a small, loud, bully. No matter how big or small the animal, Fergie will play the role of intimidator.

I found this website which offers great advice about dog training, I specifically was looking for information on how to introduce the two dogs. This post was very helpful. In short: walk them together, in single file, taking turns leading (so the can smell each other), let each dog smell the other's excrement and on the last leg of the walk have the dogs walking side by side. Fergie went from barking (at Lucky) like a whacked out maniac dog to not even caring that she was there.

When we got home from our walk, Fergie went back to barking, like a whacked out maniac dog. I bribed him with treats as Lucky tore up a stuffed animal and several chew toys. I was nervous that Lucky would eat the couch next, which I thought might be okay because I really want a new couch; but then I thought, she could choke and die which would be bad so we texted her owner to find out that she is not house trained, she is kennel trained. So, Lucky went in her kennel for the night.

The next morning, as I slept in bed, my husband returned from dropping off our son at school (it's a trade off, he does mornings and I do...nothing), Lucky was whining in her kennel, so he took her out for a morning walk. Fergie disapproved, loudly:

Today, I was home alone with both dogs, Lucky decided she wanted to go outside. It was raining. Her kennel is in our basement. Our basement stairs are steep and slick, she is a lab. She would not walk up the basement stairs because her nails were making her slip. I did not want to pull her up the stairs because she would choke, which would be bad. Sooo, I carried her up the stairs, did I mention that she's a lab? While I carried her up the stairs, Fergie stood at the top of the stairs, barking like a whacked out maniac dog. Fun times. I finally got both dogs leashed up and ready to go outside.

Once outside, Fergie looked at me, lifting one paw at a time, he did not want to walk in the rain. I snatched him up, unhooked his leash and put him back inside the house, while Lucky was trying her best to drag me out to the sidewalk. I'm glad Fergie didn't want to walk because Lucky wanted to run. Lucky dragged me, in the rain, half way around the block, I was running, for my life, I don't run, unless I'm being chased (or dragged by a big dog). She stopped, I caught my breath, she shit on the sidewalk, I cleaned it up as I thought about how "smart" I was told she is. The rest of the way home, our pace went from mall-walking to jogging to running for my life as she tried to drink from every puddle she came upon.

There's a difference between a dog person and a *small* dog person.

Friday, January 6, 2012

It's a Small World (after all)

2012 is flying right by, I hope it's been a happy year for you so far, unless you're a jerk. According to the Chinese zodiac, 2012 is the Year of the Dragon. This means nothing until January 23rd and then I think it means Americans are supposed to go out, eat greasy Chinese food and get wasted on flaming volcanoes (it's a drink, you perv); mark your calendars! It's also the last year of your life, according to the Mayans, so enjoy!

I rung in the new year on a flight from Guatemala City (coming home from Costa Rica), it was better than it sounds. You see, we (me + my family + a bunch of people I didn't know) flew on Taca Airlines for this trip (the previous three years we've flown on domestic carriers) and flying in a taco was awesome. I'm writing this because, typically, you only read angry posts about travel and I wanted to write about our excelente airline experience.

Taca Airlines (based out of Lima, Peru) is the most efficient airline I've ever flown on. You can check-in online, avoiding long airport lines (even if you're checking luggage, they have a special line just for online check-ins), all of our flights left on time (well, we left 15 minutes late from O'Hare...but if you know O'Hare, that's considered "on time") and most of our flights arrived early. On board the Airbus 319 and 321 they pleasantly served free food and beverages, including alcohol, which is really all you need to know.

This was our fourth year Christmasing at Jaco Beach, Costa Rica, it was a truly lazy vacay, lots of sun, food and drinks. I love being lazy, I'm an expert at it. We enjoyed long days at the pool where we met people from all over the world including a family from Fort Dodge, IA who also have a summer home on Lake Okoboji where we apparently dined next to each other, last Fourth of July. It was nice having other Iowans there to watch sad bowl games with.

Here are some pictures to prove I went on vacation. I'm not in any of, I guess you'll just have to take my word for it:

Quetzaltepec Volcano in San Saldador (airplane view)


We visited the marina at Los Suenos, where we ogled yachts.



Jesus on board!

Oh...and I almost forgot. I saw a UFO and I took pictures!

First attempt, laying on our rooftop, I got the other rooftop.

Final attempt (before it disappeared) I swear, there was something in the sky.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Dear Mike McQueary

Mr. McQueary

I doubt you will ever see this email because you are likely shielding yourself from such things. I am not a Pennsylvania resident nor am I a Penn State fan. I, in fact, had no idea who you were a week ago and wish that was still the case. You went from the silent redhead on the sideline of Penn State to a cowardly chump who did nothing to rescue a child from a monster. I'm sure you have your reasons. It's common knowledge that some people flee when faced with stress, while others fight. Your inaction is unforgivable. I don't know anything about your personal life, but I do know something about your character. I know that you left a locker room after witnessing an adult man raping a little boy without bashing that man's skull in and calling law enforcement. I know that you returned to a place of security for you, Happy Valley, in 2000 after not being good enough for the NFL. Ironic that your place of security and history is a place of nightmares for many others.

You, sir, had an opportunity to do the right thing, the moral thing, the only thing; instead, you chose to do next to nothing. You could have saved other boys from being raped instead, you enabled a monster. Resigning is not enough, but it would be a start. I hope you've made peace with God for what you didn't do, now you have to make peace with everyone else.

Very truly yours,

Rebecca Grunewald
Des Moines, IA

Thanks to @FireMikeMcQueary for passing along Mike McQueary's email address:

In case you don't know the details of this case, you can read them here. Warning, you will be sickened and angered by what you read.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Dear Truuuuue Conservatives and (Fellow) Establishment RINOS:

Dear Truuuuue Conservatives and (Fellow) Establishment RINOS:

I'm taking time out of my busy cocktail guzzling schedule to share with you some thoughts about our presidential primary season and how it's shaping up. In short, I'm nervous. . .

Firstly, if I haven't been clear, I am in the "anybody who can defeat Obama camp" (I know, I know...RACIST!). Sigh, moving right main concern is, as Charles Krauthammer puts it, the authenticity vs electibilty issue.

I fear we are at risk of repeating the same mistake the democrats made in 2004. Our adversaries were in a position to win the 2004 general election. Operation Iraqi Freedom (Bush's War) was highly controversial for different reasons. Some believed the operation took resources from Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan (the good war). Saddam Hussein wasn't a threat to us and even though at some point in time he was in possession of, at the very least, chemical weapons (weapons of mass destruction) they were nowhere to be found in 2003. Some were angry with Bush giving the federal government the Go-Go-Gadget Collection with The Patriot Act. Others were angry about the spending increases, fighting two wars is expensive. And how can we forget The Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2001 and The Jobs and Growth Tax Reconciliation Act of 2003 (the Bush Tax Cuts)?

Sounds like a landslide waiting to happen, right? Wrong. Kerry lost by over 3.5 million votes, he fared better in the electoral college, 286 to 251. All candidates are not created equal, electability matters.

The current GOP pool plus the truuuuue conservative vs the establishment RINOS infighting could put us in the same position the democrats were in, eight years ago. I find a lot of my fellow republicans writing on social media sites and blogs that we could defeat President Obama with any one of the candidates currently running (or Sarah Palin) even if national polls suggest otherwise; this concerns me. I do believe that Obama is beatable, just as I think Bush was in 2004, as long as we choose a winner. But please, while doing so, keep these things in mind:
  • Each of the current candidates is on record as saying they will repeal ObamaCare and appoint conservative judges to the Supreme Court.
  • While I agree that entitlement reform must happen, it is a huge manmade problem facilitated by us, the voters. We have allowed the government to grow with each administration, we have to have realistic expectations about what can be done and we can't win the general without Independents.
  • Illegal immigration reform has been campaigned on for decades resulting in nothing but talk. If you are born here, you are an American, period. Educating American children is not just the only choice, it is the smart choice. Investing in young Americans (I don't care where their parents were born) through education is a no-brainer. I don't know why Perry had a hard time articulating this on Thursday but "children of illegals" and "illegals" are not the same thing. How to do so, is a fair question but asking "should we" is not.
  • And as far as getting sucked into abortion, gay marriage and capital punishment debates:

We can win, as long as we don't get Kerry'd away.

P.S. If after reading this post you want to comment on the legality of war, I wasn't addressing you but I'm sure your mom would like to discuss the War Powers Act and the current administration's actions in Libya.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca

Hey kids, here's the latest webisode of Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca. Alex Jones and I discussed Afghanistan living, Bachmann's problem with Gardasil, Sarah Palin's juicy (possibly made up) past, why Bud Selig is an unpatriotic turd, Michelle Obama's latest food casualty plus a phone-a-friend bonus, Adam Dawson, who moonlights as the drummer for Virginia Coalition, calls in to share the best story you will ever hear involving anyone from Journey or what I am calling "speaking in tongues with Neal Schon". As usual, NSFW:

cross-posted at Right Wing News

Friday, September 9, 2011

Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca

Hey kids, here's the latest webisode of Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca; me and Leah Trost (...or is it Leah Trost and I??? Ugh, grammar is hard) discuss the key to ageing successfully, the blogger who cried "rape", Celine Dion's bathtub, bear punching, grandma tattoos, great-grandma boob jobs and more. I probably said something offensive, proceed at your own risk:

cross-posted at Right Wing News

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Patriot Day Football

Happy Saturday kids! It's the first *official* day of college football. Yeah, there were a few games earlier this week, like last night's big win for Baylor over TCU (congrats, Ryan!) but today is all about [insert your favorite team here]. I live in Iowa, yeehaw...not really, the Iowa Hawkeyes are the local equivalent to having a professional football team. And though, many Iowa fans have never graced the halls of the Old Capitol Building in Iowa City, they were there in spirits, wink, wink.

I grew up in Alexandria, Virginia in a non-fanatical college football home. My dad passively rooted for all of the local teams, saving himself for the Redskins on Sundays. Note: none of his children are fans of the Skins and both of his daughters married Cowboys loyalists.

I love football, any day of the week. In fact, I can be seen sitting outside of Stilwell Jr. High School at least three times a week watching 12 year old boys at pigskin practice...which sounds super creepy but one of them belongs to me so I'm told it's okay as long as I'm not drunk. So I don't drink until after.

The NFL starts its season this Thursday night. NBC will air the Saints versus the Super Bowl Champion Packers at Lambeau Field sometime after our dear leader gives his latest jobs speech. If we were Smurfs our president would be called Speechy. Wow, that was super lame...a "Smurfs" reference...and then I used "lame". I shouldn't go on, but I do have a point. Even though, I said (on my show, which you should watch) I wouldn't do this (write something about 9/11), I'm doing it. Shut up, I'm a woman, I'm s'posed to change my mind.

Next Sunday in addition to being the first NFL Sunday Funday this fall, is the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks which killed 2,977 people. We won't ever forget where we were, who we were with and how we felt that day and the days following. Listening to reports trickle out about the details of the horror on board those aircrafts, hearing family members tearfully share their accounts of phone conversations with loved ones abroad American Airlines Flight 77 and United Airlines Flight 93; learning about the heroics and selflessness on board Flight 93 giving all patriot's a heavy heart. The battlefield was forever changed as were its warriors.

Ten years later we are still at war in Afghanistan. Many KIA were children on September, 11, 2001. Our hearts remain heavy over the Marines, Soldiers, Airmen and Sailors who have paid the ultimate sacrifice in the name of freedom. We are a grateful nation.

On Sunday, September 11th, I will be watching football. The flyovers and songs sung before the games will be even more hair-raising and tear-jerking than they are on other Sundays because on this Sunday while we remember the victims of 9/11 and our troops we will also remember what we are capable of as one nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all.

Go Broncos!