For Sale: Artsy Clams

Looking for a gift for that special someone who has everything??? Well, look no further. Khat Amabile's mounted vagina art is available at Etsy for around $50.

Why??? Well...I'm glad you asked, Flashnews has the answer:

Crafter Khat Amabile is strengthening friendships with her Vagina Plaque creations, molds of naughty bits made from clay and fake fur mounted onto a wooden plaque.

The vag plaques, which she sells on Etsy, are in her words, “sort of rude but awesome.” They came to be after helping out a good friend of hers she calls “Pussy Face.”

Apparently, Pussy Face was once stabbed in the vagina with a pencil by her brother and as a result required stitches that left a scar.

To show Pussy Face that her damaged goods were still lovely, Amabile made an artistic ode to her privates because, “That’s what friends do for each other.”

She’s been making the poon plaques ever since, often times “as horrible and grotesque as possible.”

Amabile insists they make great gifts because “everybody loves vagina.”

Everybody loves vagina? Even Ryan Seacrest???

Why I Drink, Reason Number 543

This is not a tale of Murphy's Law...but it is a tale of teenage girls...

For those of you who do not know, I have been (accidentally) blessed with two offspring. The elder tadpole is a senior in high school...she is the star of this feature:

Setting: Monday (yesterday) afternoon, gym class...yes in Iowa you are required to take PE throughout high school. I assume this is an attempt to graduate a fit student class, it's not really working...but anyway...back to the story. . . After gym class, the daughter took her things out of her locker and placed them on the locker room bench. She left them briefly unattended to speak with a teacher...there was only one other student in her locker pod. The other student is a girl that she has known since elementary school and even attended my daughter's birthday party wayyy back in the fifth grade...ahhh memories...anyhow, my loverly pet returned to the locker room, after a few minutes, to retrieve her items and change out of her gym clothes. That's when she noticed that her phone was missing, along with $20. She announced loudly: "Someone took my phone!"

The thief...let's call her Whitney, well...because that's her name, grabbed her bag and hurriedly fled the locker room. Hmmm....not suspicious at all. She was the only person there, so she either (a) witnessed the crime or (b) she committed it, period. By not offering up any immediate witness information and instead fleeing, I'm going with option b.

The school has a full time police officer on duty, my daughter filed a report with him and informed him about Whitney's suspicious behavior...he interviewed her and called her mom. That's when, I'm pretty sure, the hot phone began its journey to the dump. Aren't girls fun???

Funny side note to the story, which made me literally laugh out loud when I heard it: in addition to the double sawback and the BlackBerry being taken...my daughter's jeans had been sabotaged...Whitney ripped the button off. I imagine the poor little genetically challenged phonejacker was upset that she couldn't fit into the pants, so she decided that if she couldn't wear them, nobody would. Again: Aren't girls FUN???

Sorry, I needed to vent....*deep breath*

Anyway...we pay the extra $4.99 per phone for Verizon's insurance (Asurion). I filed the claim online at www.phoneclaim.com where I also paid the $50 deductible. A new phone arrived today, less than 24 hours later. Her social life has been righted and I got the customer service equivalent to a happy ending.

Happy Birthday, Duchess!!!

No, not me....Her:

Duchess the orangutan turned the big 5-0 today at the Phoenix Zoo...that's ten years longer than most orangutans live in the wild.


Birthday cheers, to my namesake...I think she has my eyes.

For Rent: 40NNs

From eBay:

"My name is Anorei Collins and I have 40NN's as seen in the accompanying photos (no joke, I'm being serious).

People stare at me all day long. Wouldn't you like your business name/logo to be stared at as well??

Place your logo or business name on my shirt and I'll happily help you out with advertising while I do all of my everyday activities and some not
so everyday activities too! =)

I can guarantee that your ad will be seen at various locations among the following popular areas in and around Los Angeles and Hollywood, CA"

Whatever you do, do not search Google images for Anorei Collins...unless you're into that sort of [HUGE] thing(s)...

What's That Fragrance You're Wearing???

Ew.

Vulva

It is not clear what compromises the concoction but it is advertised as being a "slightly yellow, desirable substance" that contains "more organic content."

UPDATE: You can watch the ad here. Gag alert.

St. Patrick's Day Kitteh

Wishing you all a happy and S A F E St. Patrick's Day.

When Alpha Males Attack

I don't know if this is the best story ever, but it's the best one I've read in a while...you can read the entire incident here. The best part (besides his name, Marium Varinauskas):

"The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."

How big does your dong have to be to use it as a weapon???