How to Avoid a Marriage Fail

A friend of mine proposed to his on-again girlfriend last night...she said: "yes." I said: "Congratulations, but don't get married."

The husband is pro-marriage, because I am awesome and being married to me is the greatest thing to *ever* happen to him. I am not pro-marriage...this feeling has nothing to do with my other half, he's great...most of the time. *wink*

If the love of your life suddenly morphs into some sort of she-wolf from hell over the wedding plans...you may want to rethink spending the rest of your life with her. However, if she remains relatively calm, suffering only minor, sporadic tantrums you're good to go...BUT...You should get married, if and only IF:

• you love each other very much
• you have discussed finances
• you each have a job that sustains your current lifestyle
  
• you know your lover's credit score
• you've both been tested for STDs
• you communicate very well with each other
  
• you have had *successful* sex together (say that five times fast)
  
• you have never cheated on him and he has never cheated on you (if you have to ask...yes, it counts)
  
• the things that you agree to disagree on, you will continue to AGREE to disagree on
• If one party is entering the marriage with more money, a prenup is signed
• you have discussed children, whether to have them and how to raise them
• he has NEVER hit you (not even once, when he was really drunk)

If these statements do not describe your relationship and you get married anyway: Your marriage will fail...one way or another. I promise. This list does not depict my friends' courtship...if they decide to follow through with their engagement, I'm buying them a collection of self-help books as a wedding present.