Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Duchess Rebecca: Fortune Teller???

Building a brand is harder than I thought. And, I'm no sellout. The things that are near and dear to my heart, I'd never try to duplicate; Spanx, Grey Goose, Astroglide and Hormel Black Label bacon are perfection. And shoes...there are too many delicious labels to list, well I could but...I'm under the influence and lazy. However, I would like to acknowledge that Steve Madden's cheap Louboutin knockoffs make me ill; also, Jessica Simpson and Fergie's versions make me homicidal (that means smell bleu cheese, right?).
Tonight I wondered on Twitter:
How does one get a job writing fortune cookies? I'd be super awesome at that.
Amirite? I hate people that use "amirite". *slaps self* Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, they'll be no need to add "in bed" to my fortunes and forget about "lucky numbers".
Examples of a Duchess Rebecca Fortune Cookie:
-Buy the shoes. Fuck that guy.
-Bite the bullet. Eat the worm.
-You reek of garlic. You're going to die alone.
-Guess What? 鸡屁股!
-Stop saying "winning", douche.
-You are too drunk to drive, but nobody cares enough to stop you.
-Tonight/today is the beginning/end of the rest of your life.
-You are here.
Late night, drunken brainstorms are the best. Thanks, @somethingfishie!
P.S. It should be noted that I have no idea how to use a semicolon, nor do I care.


  1. Why don't I ever get fortune cookies like those?

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