Dear Facebookers: I Don't Like This

I wouldn't go as far as to say I hate Facebook...I mean, I appreciate it for what it offers: the opportunity to reconnect with and update friends and out of state relatives on what's going on in your life. As for the quizzes, (lil) Green Patch application, Farmville, Yoville and Mafia Wars...no thanks.

I usually only update my Facebook status to offer my friends my latest blog post, this is probably due to my relationship with Twitter. I tweet a lot. Facebook is a bit passive for my taste. I like the interaction that Twitter offers. Yes, Facebook has the chat option...and I do sign in to partake once in a while. But honestly...how often can you catch up with someone? And while there are some that I enjoy chatting with, there are others that I could have died without ever 'reconnecting' with.

My friend, Sam, linked this CNN article entitled: The 12 most annoying types of Facebookers, to my Facebook wall, after I posted this crotchety comment: "I hate it when I say something to someone and their response is: that should be your Facebook status. Also, I don't care how many miles you can run." Apparently, I am a self-promoting curmudgeon. Oh, well in accordance with my CNN Facebook title, allow me to add these five status updaters to the list (in no particular order):

1) Runners, Gymrats, etc. You know them, you're friends with them. Dear K'ers and Meatheads: If you can run ten miles, good for you...no one cares. If you really can bench *that much*...Giambi called, he needs his head back...also, you're a douche.

2) Love. Love. Love. You know who you are. 'Jenny has the greatest boyfriend in the whole world.' or 'Matt says thanks to Alice for making him the luckiest man on the planet.' or 'Judy is enjoying her fifth day as Mrs. Johnson. I love you, Paul.' Barf. Barf. Barf.

3) The Bar Photogs The chicks that are within an eye shot of you taking pics of each other...not because one of them is celebrating...just because they're out, they're drunk and they wanna document it for Facebook. You're sitting there at your local watering hole, enjoying a cocktail, chatting up a friend and there they are with their camera flashing every however-long-it-takes for one of them to veto the last pic because she looks drunk and or fat. Newsflash: you are drunk and or fat. Now put the camera away before I smash it.

4) Hybrid Tweeps Those that use Twitter and Facebook simultaneously. Your @ replies don't make any sense to your non-Twitter, Facebook friends...they don't know what a RT is and they probably don't care. Save your tweets for your tweeps...if you must include Facebookers...use the #fb hashtag, with care. Unless of course, you don't care...then carry on, crossbreed. (I still love you Sooper Trev).

5) Status Checkers You know who I'm referring to (maybe he's your husband): The ones that artfully design a thoughtful, witty, funny...basically *the* perfect Facebook status and then they proceed to check their wall every few minutes, or so, to see if anyone has commented or 'liked' their update. They may even go as far as to ask you: 'did you see my Facebook status?' Hugs, loser.

Happy updating! Feel free to use the comments section to supplement my list with your own Facebook grumbles. If you want to leave a nasty, troll-y comment, you can do that too.