Shoe Drive!

I haven't posted in a while for several reasons, mostly because I'm lazy and feeling uninspired. That all changed today after receiving this email from my friends at Saks:

I want them all. . .but, I have to have these:


Hot, right? I need them, badly. If each of my Twitter followers sends me $1.37, I could buy them. It's unlikely that each of my Twitter followers will do that, so you should send more. Thanks in advance!

PS If I don't get these boots, I will die.

PPS They will sell out, so you should hurry.

UPDATE:

Shoe Drive Status:
...not exactly the way I'd hoped. Do you want me to beg? Ok, fine. You can't see me but, trust me, I'm on my knees. Thanks, I love you.

Tonight on Smart Girl Report...ME!

Okay...so apparently Jenny Erikson has lost her mind or a bet, I'm not sure which; because, today she interviewed me for her radio show, Smart Girl Report. Why? I have no idea. Is it opposite day? Hmmm.

A few points:

1. I did not drink before or during the interview. If it sucks, blame this.

2. I am drinking now.

3. Jenny has a lovely phone/radio voice.

4. I'm just getting over a cold and may or may not sound like the spawn of Helen Thomas.

5. I can't remember exactly what we chatted about, tho I'm certain we were interesting, charming and smart or something...at least half of us. I was too focused on not saying any curse words. I didn't. SUCCESS!

6. The last time I was on the radio was in 1988 to dedicate INXS - Never Tear Us Apart to my junior high boyfriend.

Tune in tonight at 10 pm ET. I'll be live drunk tweeting the interview and perhaps my suicide after.

Smooches Jenny! Thanks again (I think). *wink*

Also, special thanks to Sean Hackbarth. You're the cats pajamas.

Vodka Taste Test: The Results

After many weeks and many Advil I have come to the determination that vodka is not unlike toilet paper. There are many different kinds, some are smoother than others and there are some you'd wish you never tried. But, they all have one thing in common. . .they get the job done.

I've tried close to 70 different vodkas. I set out to try 100, but I think I'm done. I refuse to taste any of those Jolly Rancher-esque, artificially flavored bullshit varieties.

Of the nearly 70 that I sampled, most of them were palatable, few were like drinking fire water and even fewer were so crisp and clean that they mimicked something as pure as rainwater. Albeit, rainwater is free; vodka that tastes like rainwater is quite the opposite.

With a few exceptions, you really can't go wrong with vodka as a libation. Here's what you need to know:

1. Absolut wins the award for best marketing with the worst product. This wasn't news to me and should not be news to you. If you ask for Absolut by name, you are a fool and deserve the headache.

2. Russian vodkas are not created equal. For example Jewel of Russia Ultra made me purr while Russian Standard vodka could have fueled my lawnmower. Russian Standard's higher end sister Imperia was less offensive, but not as delicate and enticing as the Jewel. I am still on the lookout for a watering hole that offers Kauffman Luxury Vintage Vodka. At $225 a bottle, I'm intrigued.

3. Just because a celebrity is peddling it, don't be a sucker and buy it. In a blind taste test, I couldn't tell the difference between Ciroc, Crystal Head and Smirnoff Red Label. Also if you even consider purchasing Ed Hardy Vodka, please do me a favor and don't vote...ever.

Favorites (in no particular order):

Jewel of Russia Ultra
Vox
Tito's
Grey Goose
Ketel One
Jean Marc XO
Stoli Elite
42 Below
Svedka
Skyy

Normally, I don't kiss and tell but. . .

Howdy!

First things first, I'm fully aware that I owe you 90+ vodka reviews. Trust me, I'm on it. As soon as I get organized, whatever that means...I will post.

Anyhow...blah, blah, blah I went to NYC, if you follow me on Twitter you know this, if you don't...well then, you obviously should remedy that problem. The trip consisted of four days/five nights of debauchery and one day of tourism. I went with the husband who worked a lot, which ended up being okay as it allowed me to sleep off the previous night's indulgences.

I'm not going to bore you with the usual...we ate here, we drank here, nonsense. And, I don't like to kiss and tell, even metaphorically. But, I do like to brag. . .loophole!

While in Manhattan, we had the pleasure of meeting (ahem...drinking with) the guys and gals of FNC's Red Eye w/Greg Gutfeld. If you've never seen it before, slap yourself and set your DVR for 3am ET Monday-Friday (subtract an hour or three if you live elsewhere). It's a fun, quirky show that discusses the day's news stories, some of which you may have heard about and some of which you'll wish you didn't.

Anyway...where was I? Oh yeah, bragging. . .In addition to Greg, Bill and Andy, we met Alison Rosen, Tom Shillue and Diana Falzone. All were friendly and warm like a cup of hot cocoa with extra marshmallows. What?!? You don't like marshmallows? Not even in hot cocoa? Get off my page, freak!

I feel bad not giving you any scoop, not that there was any to give...or was there? I wish I could remember. I'll share these three things, if you promise not to tell. Deal?

1) If you stare directly into Andy Levy's eyes a blue bird sings. Probably.

2) Greg Gutfeld turned water into urine...well more than likely.

and

3) Bill Schulz is an impressive drinker, well y'know for his size. Also he gets the award for last man standing.

The night ended with me drunk in the ladies' room with a chatty Jersey Girl in a tight red dress, a tumescent bust and tragic eyebrows. The husband rescued me before I got guidette poofed.

The next day, after roughly ten diet Cokes and ten Advil, I met and had dinner with Karol (Alarming News), our husbands and...a not-so-mystery mystery guest. After dinner, we drank and laughed and laughed and drank. After being deserted for a baby and a cave, the husband and I drank some more. Oh yeah, and I ate a gyro from a roach coach. Nom, nom, nom? Sure, why not.

When I got home on Monday night, along with a stack of junk mail and bills was Greg Gutfeld's new book The Bible of Unspeakable Truths. Buy it, read it, it's funny...so far.

What a Dick.

Out: "It depends upon what the meaning of the word is, is." In: Whoops, I meant "during".

Dick Blumenthal, You're NO Cristy Lane!!!

http://www.cristylane.com/video/OneDayataTime120.asf

Dear Husband:

Dear Husband:

Ahem, tomorrow is our 15th Wedding Anniversary. Yes, it is. We got married in 1995...do the math.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah...the gift. The traditional 15th wedding anniversary gift is crystal. Since I'm not your grandma, let's go with the modern 15th anniversary gift: glass. A (bottomless) glass of vodka.

Happy anniversary!

Love,

Me

P.S. Did you know that we got married on Star Wars Day? May the 4th Be With You!

Happy NFL Draft Day!

Happy Earth NFL Draft Day!

With the Curse of the Jockey Underwear alive and well in Baltimore, my Orioles are 2-14, NFL Draft weekend is a welcome distraction.

For the first time in 75 years the NFL Draft will air in prime-time. The first round airs tonight on ESPN and NFL Network at 7:30 pm ET; followed by rounds 2-3 tomorrow night at 6 pm ET with the final picks, rounds 4-7, being selected Saturday starting at 10 am ET.

Round 1: Pick a stud or trade your pick.

1) St. Louis Rams

2) Detroit Lions

3) Tampa Bay Buccaneers

4) Washington Redskins

5) Kansas City Chiefs

6) Seattle Seahawks

7) Cleveland Browns

8) Oakland Raiders

9) Buffalo Bills

10) Jacksonville Jaguars

11) Denver Broncos (from Chicago)

12) Miami Dolphins

13) San Fransisco 49ers

14) Seattle Seahawks (from Denver)

15) New York Giants

16) Tennessee Titans

17) San Fransisco 49ers

18) Pittsburgh Steelers

19) Atlanta Falcons

20) Houston Texans

21) Cincinnati Bengals

22) New England Patriots

23) Green Bay Packers

24) Philadelphia Eagles

25) Baltimore Ravens

26) Arizona Cardinals

27) Dallas Cowboys

28) San Diego Chargers

29) New York Jets

30) Minnesota Vikings

31) Indianapolis Colts

32) New Orleans Saints

If my Broncos pick OSU, WR/PR Dez Bryant...I won't cry. But the rumor mill seems to think that Jerry Jones will trade up for the speedy wideout. Dallas sportswriters are still bitter over Jones taking a pass on Randy Moss in the 98 Draft. They see the opportunity to trade up and snag Bryant as a chance for redemption, or something. At least one mock draft has Bryant going to the Raiders at pick number eight, which would be both a waste and a shame.

Have your Mel Kiper, Jr insults ready! I'll meet you on Twitter (@duchess_rebecca).

Cross-posted at Liberty Pundits.