Chinese take-out: So…as you know...today I was hanged-over that also translates into: I will eat my weight in food (typically Mexican or Chinese or whatever I can get my short-nailed fingers on). Today it was Chinese (Chicken Lo Mein and egg rolls along with the aforementioned hot dogs, a couple of bagels and a Krispy Kreme doughnut. I think that’s all) Wow…I hate myself…ok…I’m over it. Anyway…back to the Chinese food…(I have a point…maybe). Ahem…I hate it when you order Chinese take-out and it doesn’t come in those little Chinese carton thingies. It could be for a variety of reasons…they ran out, they don’t use them any more or they just want to fuck with me. It realllllllllly pisses me off. Don’t you agree? I thought you would!
Oh…yea, this didn’t happen today…but, guess what did…I got called crude and mannerless by an FNC reporter whose name rhymes with Schnavid NacNougall via Twitter…which I’m prettt-ttty excited about.
Showing posts with label Hangovers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hangovers. Show all posts
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Ruskie Business
Soooooo on this fine day of rest I feel like Vladimir Putin’s ass. You’re right, I don’t actually know what his ass feels like…I’ve never touched it…it’s a metaphor people! Anyway, I’m amazed that scientific researchers have come up with a pill that you can take the morning after a wild sex romp sans birth control to prevent What’s His Face, Jr BUT they can’t/won’t/don’t make a pill that you (me) can take the night after drinking like the Russian Prime Minister.
I don’t know what Vlad does on days like today, if I ever meet him I’ll be sure to ask. This morning I woke up cursed the scale and my diet by eating two hot dogs with a side of marinara sauce...yea, I’m weird. I doubt if I would touch a hot dog in Russia. Rootin’ Tootin’ Putin probably just eats some borscht and shoots someone in the face. Unfortunately I don’t have a gun.
I’m quite certain that Putin and me have a lot more in common than just a love for vodka. In fact I’ll bet he shouts expletives at his hair, like I do. I 'm sure when his favorite pants are at the cleaners, he too makes heads roll. I also believe, like me, Vlad is a big fan of Sex and the City…’cept he wanted Carrie to end up with the Ruskie and I was glad she kicked that Commie to the curb for Mr. Big.
I’m sure these are safe assumptions to make; also I have no plans to visit The Russian Federation…but if I go missing…Vladi read this post and as I suspected, he’s still pissed about how SATC ended.
I don’t know what Vlad does on days like today, if I ever meet him I’ll be sure to ask. This morning I woke up cursed the scale and my diet by eating two hot dogs with a side of marinara sauce...yea, I’m weird. I doubt if I would touch a hot dog in Russia. Rootin’ Tootin’ Putin probably just eats some borscht and shoots someone in the face. Unfortunately I don’t have a gun.
I’m quite certain that Putin and me have a lot more in common than just a love for vodka. In fact I’ll bet he shouts expletives at his hair, like I do. I 'm sure when his favorite pants are at the cleaners, he too makes heads roll. I also believe, like me, Vlad is a big fan of Sex and the City…’cept he wanted Carrie to end up with the Ruskie and I was glad she kicked that Commie to the curb for Mr. Big.
I’m sure these are safe assumptions to make; also I have no plans to visit The Russian Federation…but if I go missing…Vladi read this post and as I suspected, he’s still pissed about how SATC ended.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)