Duchess Rebecca

It's a Small World (after all)

2012-01-06T14:14:00.011-06:00

2012 is flying right by, I hope it's been a happy year for you so far, unless you're a jerk. According to the Chinese zodiac, 2012 is the Year of the Dragon. This means nothing until January 23rd and then I think it means Americans are supposed to go out, eat greasy Chinese food and get wasted on flaming volcanoes (it's a drink, you perv); mark your calendars! It's also the last year of your life, according to the Mayans, so enjoy!

I rung in the new year on a flight from Guatemala City (coming home from Costa Rica), it was better than it sounds. You see, we (me + my family + a bunch of people I didn't know) flew on Taca Airlines for this trip (the previous three years we've flown on domestic carriers) and flying in a taco was awesome. I'm writing this because, typically, you only read angry posts about travel and I wanted to write about our excelente airline experience.

Taca Airlines (based out of Lima, Peru) is the most efficient airline I've ever flown on. You can check-in online, avoiding long airport lines (even if you're checking luggage, they have a special line just for online check-ins), all of our flights left on time (well, we left 15 minutes late from O'Hare...but if you know O'Hare, that's considered "on time") and most of our flights arrived early. On board the Airbus 319 and 321 they pleasantly served free food and beverages, including alcohol, which is really all you need to know.

This was our fourth year Christmasing at Jaco Beach, Costa Rica, it was a truly lazy vacay, lots of sun, food and drinks. I love being lazy, I'm an expert at it. We enjoyed long days at the pool where we met people from all over the world including a family from Fort Dodge, IA who also have a summer home on Lake Okoboji where we apparently dined next to each other, last Fourth of July. It was nice having other Iowans there to watch sad bowl games with.

Here are some pictures to prove I went on vacation. I'm not in any of them...so, I guess you'll just have to take my word for it:

Quetzaltepec Volcano in San Saldador (airplane view)

Cheers!

We visited the marina at Los Suenos, where we ogled yachts.

Oooooooh...

...ahhhhhhh

Jesus on board!

Oh...and I almost forgot. I saw a UFO and I took pictures!

First attempt, laying on our rooftop, I got the other rooftop.

Final attempt (before it disappeared) I swear, there was something in the sky.

Dear Mike McQueary

2011-11-09T15:52:00.004-06:00

Mr. McQueary

I doubt you will ever see this email because you are likely shielding yourself from such things. I am not a Pennsylvania resident nor am I a Penn State fan. I, in fact, had no idea who you were a week ago and wish that was still the case. You went from the silent redhead on the sideline of Penn State to a cowardly chump who did nothing to rescue a child from a monster. I'm sure you have your reasons. It's common knowledge that some people flee when faced with stress, while others fight. Your inaction is unforgivable. I don't know anything about your personal life, but I do know something about your character. I know that you left a locker room after witnessing an adult man raping a little boy without bashing that man's skull in and calling law enforcement. I know that you returned to a place of security for you, Happy Valley, in 2000 after not being good enough for the NFL. Ironic that your place of security and history is a place of nightmares for many others.

You, sir, had an opportunity to do the right thing, the moral thing, the only thing; instead, you chose to do next to nothing. You could have saved other boys from being raped instead, you enabled a monster. Resigning is not enough, but it would be a start. I hope you've made peace with God for what you didn't do, now you have to make peace with everyone else.

Very truly yours,

Rebecca Grunewald

Des Moines, IA

Thanks to @FireMikeMcQueary for passing along Mike McQueary's email address: mjm229@psu.edu

In case you don't know the details of this case, you can read them here. Warning, you will be sickened and angered by what you read.

Dear Truuuuue Conservatives and (Fellow) Establishment RINOS:

2011-09-24T18:05:00.003-05:00

Dear Truuuuue Conservatives and (Fellow) Establishment RINOS:

I'm taking time out of my busy cocktail guzzling schedule to share with you some thoughts about our presidential primary season and how it's shaping up. In short, I'm nervous. . .

Firstly, if I haven't been clear, I am in the "anybody who can defeat Obama camp" (I know, I know...RACIST!). Sigh, moving right along...my main concern is, as Charles Krauthammer puts it, the authenticity vs electibilty issue.

I fear we are at risk of repeating the same mistake the democrats made in 2004. Our adversaries were in a position to win the 2004 general election. Operation Iraqi Freedom (Bush's War) was highly controversial for different reasons. Some believed the operation took resources from Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan (the good war). Saddam Hussein wasn't a threat to us and even though at some point in time he was in possession of, at the very least, chemical weapons (weapons of mass destruction) they were nowhere to be found in 2003. Some were angry with Bush giving the federal government the Go-Go-Gadget Collection with The Patriot Act. Others were angry about the spending increases, fighting two wars is expensive. And how can we forget The Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2001 and The Jobs and Growth Tax Reconciliation Act of 2003 (the Bush Tax Cuts)?

Sounds like a landslide waiting to happen, right? Wrong. Kerry lost by over 3.5 million votes, he fared better in the electoral college, 286 to 251. All candidates are not created equal, electability matters.

The current GOP pool plus the truuuuue conservative vs the establishment RINOS infighting could put us in the same position the democrats were in, eight years ago. I find a lot of my fellow republicans writing on social media sites and blogs that we could defeat President Obama with any one of the candidates currently running (or Sarah Palin) even if national polls suggest otherwise; this concerns me. I do believe that Obama is beatable, just as I think Bush was in 2004, as long as we choose a winner. But please, while doing so, keep these things in mind:

Each of the current candidates is on record as saying they will repeal ObamaCare and appoint conservative judges to the Supreme Court.
While I agree that entitlement reform must happen, it is a huge manmade problem facilitated by us, the voters. We have allowed the government to grow with each administration, we have to have realistic expectations about what can be done and we can't win the general without Independents.
Illegal immigration reform has been campaigned on for decades resulting in nothing but talk. If you are born here, you are an American, period. Educating American children is not just the only choice, it is the smart choice. Investing in young Americans (I don't care where their parents were born) through education is a no-brainer. I don't know why Perry had a hard time articulating this on Thursday but "children of illegals" and "illegals" are not the same thing. How to do so, is a fair question but asking "should we" is not.
And as far as getting sucked into abortion, gay marriage and capital punishment debates:

We can win, as long as we don't get Kerry'd away.

P.S. If after reading this post you want to comment on the legality of war, I wasn't addressing you but I'm sure your mom would like to discuss the War Powers Act and the current administration's actions in Libya.

Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca

2011-09-16T13:51:00.002-05:00

Hey kids, here's the latest webisode of Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca. Alex Jones and I discussed Afghanistan living, Bachmann's problem with Gardasil, Sarah Palin's juicy (possibly made up) past, why Bud Selig is an unpatriotic turd, Michelle Obama's latest food casualty plus a phone-a-friend bonus, Adam Dawson, who moonlights as the drummer for Virginia Coalition, calls in to share the best story you will ever hear involving anyone from Journey or what I am calling "speaking in tongues with Neal Schon". As usual, NSFW:

Live broadcast by Ustream

cross-posted at Right Wing News

Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca

2011-09-09T16:33:00.001-05:00

Hey kids, here's the latest webisode of Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca; me and Leah Trost (...or is it Leah Trost and I??? Ugh, grammar is hard) discuss the key to ageing successfully, the blogger who cried "rape", Celine Dion's bathtub, bear punching, grandma tattoos, great-grandma boob jobs and more. I probably said something offensive, proceed at your own risk:

Video streaming by Ustream

cross-posted at Right Wing News

Patriot Day Football

2011-09-03T16:33:00.008-05:00

Happy Saturday kids! It's the first *official* day of college football. Yeah, there were a few games earlier this week, like last night's big win for Baylor over TCU (congrats, Ryan!) but today is all about [insert your favorite team here]. I live in Iowa, yeehaw...not really, anyway...here the Iowa Hawkeyes are the local equivalent to having a professional football team. And though, many Iowa fans have never graced the halls of the Old Capitol Building in Iowa City, they were there in spirits, wink, wink.

I grew up in Alexandria, Virginia in a non-fanatical college football home. My dad passively rooted for all of the local teams, saving himself for the Redskins on Sundays. Note: none of his children are fans of the Skins and both of his daughters married Cowboys loyalists.

I love football, any day of the week. In fact, I can be seen sitting outside of Stilwell Jr. High School at least three times a week watching 12 year old boys at pigskin practice...which sounds super creepy but one of them belongs to me so I'm told it's okay as long as I'm not drunk. So I don't drink until after.

The NFL starts its season this Thursday night. NBC will air the Saints versus the Super Bowl Champion Packers at Lambeau Field sometime after our dear leader gives his latest jobs speech. If we were Smurfs our president would be called Speechy. Wow, that was super lame...a "Smurfs" reference...and then I used "lame". I shouldn't go on, but I do have a point. Even though, I said (on my show, which you should watch) I wouldn't do this (write something about 9/11), I'm doing it. Shut up, I'm a woman, I'm s'posed to change my mind.

Next Sunday in addition to being the first NFL Sunday Funday this fall, is the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks which killed 2,977 people. We won't ever forget where we were, who we were with and how we felt that day and the days following. Listening to reports trickle out about the details of the horror on board those aircrafts, hearing family members tearfully share their accounts of phone conversations with loved ones abroad American Airlines Flight 77 and United Airlines Flight 93; learning about the heroics and selflessness on board Flight 93 giving all patriot's a heavy heart. The battlefield was forever changed as were its warriors.

Ten years later we are still at war in Afghanistan. Many KIA were children on September, 11, 2001. Our hearts remain heavy over the Marines, Soldiers, Airmen and Sailors who have paid the ultimate sacrifice in the name of freedom. We are a grateful nation.

On Sunday, September 11th, I will be watching football. The flyovers and songs sung before the games will be even more hair-raising and tear-jerking than they are on other Sundays because on this Sunday while we remember the victims of 9/11 and our troops we will also remember what we are capable of as one nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all.

Go Broncos!

Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca

2011-09-02T18:30:00.003-05:00

Hey kids, here's the latest webisode of Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca. My guest, anonymous blogger "Eva McCane" of icouldntmakethisshitup.wordpress.com and I discuss Chaz Bono, legal protection for ugly people, Michele Bachmann's hair, German hookers and much more! Viewers be warned, naughty language and sex talk ahead:

Video streaming by Ustream

cross-posted at Right Wing News

A light bulb ban? Get Off My Jock!

2011-07-14T18:29:00.005-05:00

By now you've likely heard that on January 1, 2012 the federal government's ban on incandescent light bulbs goes into effect. You will then be forced to use the toxic, mercury filled compact fluorescent variety instead.

The new bulbs cost more money, between five and ten times the older, safer yet energy wasting kind. But, don't fret because the new baneful, big ticket, beacons will save you around $50 a year...allegedly...according to the Department of Energy and Sesame Street's The Count (probably).

The new, energy saving bulbs are supposed to last about 10,000 hours (wow, that's a lot). No word on whether those 10,000 hours are calculated on God's time or a scientist's - usually the distinction is quite significant.

When the bulb burns out, whether it's because the science was flawed or it's actually burned it's 10,000 (!!!) hours, due to it's toxicity, you may not toss it in the garbage. You must find your local special waste dropoff site - which means that you'll likely be paying more for trash removal service, however your city likes to stick it to you.

Oh, and according to the New York Post, at New York's special waste dropoff sites, when dumping your toxic compact fluorescent duds you should also bring along your driver's licence so that a sanitation department worker can document your name, address and vehicle registration number while taking note of your harmful waste - think about that five times fast.

Remember the old thermometers? Y'know the glass ones with the mercury inside? Did you ever break one? Did your parents freak out? Well I did and mine did, turns out they were right to. If you break one of these mercury filled, super bulbs, the EPA recommends the following:

Before Cleanup
Have people and pets leave the room, and avoid the breakage area on the way out.
Open a window or door to the outdoors and leave the room for 5-10 minutes.
Shut off the central forced-air heating/air conditioning (H&AC) system, if you have one.
Collect materials you will need to clean up the broken bulb:
Stiff paper or cardboard
Sticky tape (e.g., duct tape)
Damp paper towels or disposable wet wipes (for hard surfaces)
Glass jar with a metal lid (such as a canning jar) or a sealable plastic bag(s)
Cleanup Steps for Hard Surfaces
Carefully scoop up glass fragments and powder using stiff paper or cardboard and place debris and paper/cardboard in a glass jar with a metal lid. If a glass jar is not available, use a sealable plastic bag. (NOTE: Since a plastic bag will not prevent the mercury vapor from escaping, remove the plastic bag(s) from the home after cleanup.)
Use sticky tape, such as duct tape, to pick up any remaining small glass fragments and powder. Place the used tape in the glass jar or plastic bag.
Wipe the area clean with damp paper towels or disposable wet wipes. Place the towels in the glass jar or plastic bag.
Vacuuming of hard surfaces during cleanup is not recommended unless broken glass remains after all other cleanup steps have been taken. [NOTE: It is possible that vacuuming could spread mercury-containing powder or mercury vapor, although available information on this problem is limited.] If vacuuming is needed to ensure removal of all broken glass, keep the following tips in mind:
Keep a window or door to the outdoors open;
Vacuum the area where the bulb was broken using the vacuum hose, if available; and
Remove the vacuum bag (or empty and wipe the canister) and seal the bag/vacuum debris, and any materials used to clean the vacuum, in a plastic bag.
Promptly place all bulb debris and cleanup materials, including vacuum cleaner bags, outdoors in a trash container or protected area until materials can be disposed of properly.
Check with your local or state government about disposal requirements in your area. Some states and communities require fluorescent bulbs (broken or unbroken) be taken to a local recycling center.
Wash your hands with soap and water after disposing of the jars or plastic bags containing bulb debris and cleanup materials.
Continue to air out the room where the bulb was broken and leave the H&AC system shut off, as practical, for several hours.
Cleanup Steps for Carpeting or Rugs
Carefully scoop up glass fragments and powder using stiff paper or cardboard and place debris and paper/cardboard in a glass jar with a metal lid. If a glass jar is not available, use a sealable plastic bag. (NOTE: Since a plastic bag will not prevent the mercury vapor from escaping, remove the plastic bag(s) from the home after cleanup.)
Use sticky tape, such as duct tape, to pick up any remaining small glass fragments and powder. Place the used tape in the glass jar or plastic bag.
Vacuuming of carpeting or rugs during cleanup is not recommended unless broken glass remains after all other cleanup steps have been taken. [NOTE: It is possible that vacuuming could spread mercury-containing powder or mercury vapor, although available information on this problem is limited.] If vacuuming is needed to ensure removal of all broken glass, keep the following tips in mind:
Keep a window or door to the outdoors open;
Vacuum the area where the bulb was broken using the vacuum hose, if available, and
Remove the vacuum bag (or empty and wipe the canister) and seal the bag/vacuum debris, and any materials used to clean the vacuum, in a plastic bag.
Promptly place all bulb debris and cleanup materials, including vacuum cleaner bags, outdoors in a trash container or protected area until materials can be disposed of properly.
Check with your local or state government about disposal requirements in your area. Some states and communities require fluorescent bulbs (broken or unbroken) be taken to a local recycling center.
Wash your hands with soap and water after disposing of the jars or plastic bags containing bulb debris and cleanup materials.
Continue to air out the room where the bulb was broken and leave the H&AC system shut off, as practical, for several hours
Future Cleaning of Carpeting or Rugs: Air Out the Room During and After Vacuuming
The next several times you vacuum the rug or carpet, shut off the H&AC system if you have one, close the doors to other rooms, and open a window or door to the outside before vacuuming. Change the vacuum bag after each use in this area.
After vacuuming is completed, keep the H&AC system shut off and the window or door to the outside open, as practical, for several hours.

Heh. Nuclear power and cigarettes are bad but these light bulbs are super awesome...and 20% dimmer.

The Republicans in Congress brought this ridiculous federal ban up for repeal and failed. The Republicans who voted against the repeal (HR 2417) are:

Rep. Tom Reed (NY-29)

Rep. Dave Reichert (WA-8)

Rep. Scott Rigell (VA-2)

Rep. Glenn Thompson (PA-5)

Rep. Rob Bishop (UT-1) - voted "present"

Rep. Charles Bass (NH-2)

Rep. Brian Bilbray (CA-50)

Rep. Scott Garrett (NJ-5)

Rep. Morgan Griffith (VA-9)

Rep. Richard Hanna (NY-24)

Rep. Tim Huelskamp (KS-1)

Be sure to let them know how you feel.

Thanks to Meredith Dake for this list.

UPDATE: Thanks to my friend Brian Wood for reminding me that it was Dubya who signed the original 822 page bill which phased out the evil incandescent light bulb in 2007. Another one of George's "big government" boo-boos. #badgeorge

Migraines and Remedies and Shoes

2011-07-10T20:27:00.005-05:00

Hey Kids (<- capitalized because you *are* important),

I wanted to share something with you because sharing is caring and I care...somewhat. Anyway, ~~I suffer from~~, I hate cliches. I get ~~hormonal migraines~~, I don't like the way that sounds.

I get menstrual migraines. Sorry, that's a bit more graphic and specific yet accurate. While I'm being specific and in case you're a doctor who wants to send me Vicodin, I only get them when I ovulate on one side and never while doing so on the other. I also had an ovarian cyst removed on that side half a score ago (you like it when I go all Abe Lincoln on you, dontcha?). The point of this post isn't to bitch it's to HELP. Seriously. Read on, I'm helpful and drunk.

Usually caffeine (most often in the form of strong coffee) and multiple masturbation sessions is my go-to migraine remedy but this month I was visited by a very special caffeine, orgasm (I know, GASP!) resistant, stomach turning varietal Migraine (<-capitalized for emphasis) which caused me to spend a lot of time whining in the room with the toilet. Sorry, again.

It should be noted that I have tried almost every prescription migraine medicine, none of them work...for me. And if you know me, you know I love pills. Please note: Vicodin is not technically a "migraine medicine", however it works for everything and I highly recommend using it whenever you can and are blah, blah prescribed it by a licensed physician blah. ~~Cutting to the chase~~ Dammit! Another cliche. If you also get migraines and you, like me, have tried EVERYTHING. Save yourself a trip to the doctor's office (unless your doctor is hot) and go to your local/favorite store that sells candy and buy a big package of Lifesaver Wint-O-Green candies, eat and repeat until your head feels like as normal as it did the day before.

You can thank me later or now...donate to the fund, I need these shoes and you didn't buy me anything for my birthday.

Cheers!

Down the Rabbit Hole with Twitter and Punctuation

2011-06-22T17:03:00.005-05:00

Hey Kids,

It's been a while, I know...unless you follow me on Twitter, then it's been real. Remember when people used to say that? Yeah, I didn't think so. If you don't follow me on Twitter, why in the Hell not??? Also if you do, I likely owe you an apology...which I will be happy to give, for a donation to my shoe/drug/vodka fund, dollars make hollers.

Anyway, this post isn't about Twitter at all, even though it sort of started off that way. Did I mention that I love Twitter, because I do. Twitter [and vodka] is/are my life, which is sad slash awesome.

Speaking of [brackets], have you ever noticed that British authors use them in place of parenthesis (I think) -also they use a lot of dashes while punctuating, the long kind...which I don't know how to make with my keyboard, but I can draw one.

See:

My favorite punctuation mark is the ellipsis...not because I like to pause for emphasis, but because I frequently tend to ramble on [with run-on sentences] and nothing breaks up a sentence like dot-dot-dot.

Don't be fooled, this post isn't about Twitter or punctuation, it's about my live ustream show, Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca [<- that's me]. Tomorrow night I will be joined by Polk County (Iowa) GOP, Co-Chair, Dave Funk.

You see, until the "First in the Nation" Iowa caucuses in February, "Iowa" and "GOP presidential pool" are going to go together like country music and firearms, so you may as well get your information from someone who lives and drinks here. I promise not to bore the pants off of you and not just because you won't be wearing any.

If you have questions for Dave or me or my mom, ask'em:

twitter: @duchessrebecca

email: duchessrebecca@gmail.com

...or post them here in the comments and don't forget to tune in 12 am ET/9 pm PT!

Also, if you'd like to send me something...something good...my birthday *is* coming up (I wear a size 39/8.5 and I will fly coach):

Duchess Rebecca

PO Box 13332

Des Moines, IA 50310

Duchess Rebecca: Fortune Teller???

2011-05-17T03:24:00.005-05:00

Building a brand is harder than I thought. And, I'm no sellout. The things that are near and dear to my heart, I'd never try to duplicate; Spanx, Grey Goose, Astroglide and Hormel Black Label bacon are perfection. And shoes...there are too many delicious labels to list, well I could but...I'm under the influence and lazy. However, I would like to acknowledge that Steve Madden's cheap Louboutin knockoffs make me ill; also, Jessica Simpson and Fergie's versions make me homicidal (that means smell bleu cheese, right?).

Tonight I wondered on Twitter:

How does one get a job writing fortune cookies? I'd be super awesome at that.

Amirite? I hate people that use "amirite". *slaps self* Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, they'll be no need to add "in bed" to my fortunes and forget about "lucky numbers".

Examples of a Duchess Rebecca Fortune Cookie:

-Buy the shoes. Fuck that guy.

-Bite the bullet. Eat the worm.

-You reek of garlic. You're going to die alone.

-Guess What? 鸡屁股!

-Stop saying "winning", douche.

-You are too drunk to drive, but nobody cares enough to stop you.

-Tonight/today is the beginning/end of the rest of your life.

-You are here.

Late night, drunken brainstorms are the best. Thanks, @somethingfishie!

P.S. It should be noted that I have no idea how to use a semicolon, nor do I care.

Ifunerary

2011-04-26T17:51:00.004-05:00

Hey kids, I hope your week is crazy delicious. If not, allow me to spice it up!

Tonight...

I will be joining, Breitbart.tv Editor-in-Chief, Larry O'Connor on his live radio carnival, The Stage Right Show, sometime during the midnight hour (ET) to discuss the upcoming royal wedding. He thinks it is "total crap", I disagree. There's no video for tonight's show...so, I'll be naked save for a professional-strength, self-neutralizing glycolic peel and o'course also, drunk.

Last weekend, I visited the Diana exhibit at Kansas City's Union Station and I've been glued to BBC America for two days, so I am geared up for this discussion as well as the grand nuptials. Tune in, or else.

Thursday...

My show, Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca, will be broadcast from Webcast One Live studios in Des Moines. My cameraman, Jacob Moyer of Luminary Creative, is out of town. I couldn't find a replacement player so we're going to give the studio a whirl. Remember to take a disco nap and set your alarm for midnight ET/9 pm PT. (Just hours before Wills and Kate exchange vows.) *squeal*

Monday, May 9, 2011...

I will be speaking at the Des Moines 140 (Twitter) Conference at the Stoner Theater in the Civic Center. The conference is from 8 am - 5 pm. I am speaking last, either because I'm the best or because I was the last person to be included. You decide. Come on down to show your support...or to heckle me. Tickets are ~~$57.50~~ correction: $60 (plus tax), register here. Many thanks to Debworks for allowing me to take part.

Thoughts? Gifts? Send them my way...

twitter: @duchessrebecca

email: duchessrebecca@gmail.com

snail mail: Duchess Rebecca

P.O. Box 13332

Des Moines, IA 50310

March Madness Wish List

2011-03-30T00:25:00.005-05:00

I've been a relatively good girl but that could all change with a pair of these...

Casadei Platform Sandals

or these...

Vera Wang Brie Sandal

It's late, you're drunk...send me a present:

Duchess Rebecca

PO Box 13332

Des Moines, IA 50310

PS. See a pair that you like better? Fine. I'm a size 39 and did I mention, I love you? Because I do.

PPS. Go Rams!!!

I'd Get Kicked Out of BYU for These...

2011-03-03T16:53:00.005-06:00

...yeah who am I kidding, I'd get kicked out of BYU for a lot less. But if you're feeling generous, you can donate these lovelies (size 9) to my lustful feet or hit the shoe fund.

Don't forget to watch my show, Down the Rabbit Hole, tonight at 12 am ET/9 pm PT, donors get shoutouts. . .buy me the shoes, win my eternal love.

You can send me shoes, or anything else, to:

Duchess Rebecca

PO Box 13332

Des Moines, IA 50310

...as for penis pics, you can send those to your mom.

Newt? Nope.

2011-03-01T14:23:00.003-06:00

Rumor has it that former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich is going to make his big "I'm running for President" announcement this week. Yawn, we all knew this was coming. I liken Newt to President Clinton in two areas, skeletons and playing political chameleon. Neither is a compliment to the former Speaker. Let's take a look at Newt on the issues (I yield to Google on the skeletons), from Newt.org:

Keeping America Safe:

"We cannot merely shift resources from current activities. Instead, we must create a bigger national security system with a bigger budget and a more robust capacity to deal with multiple threats simultaneously."

Bigger, two; Robust Capacity, one; Efficient, zero

Limited Government: (heh, see above)

"An America marked by limited government, honest politicians, and a small bureaucracy, and which focuses on fairness and the rule of law, is the antithesis of a secular-socialist America dominated by political machines of big government, huge bureaucracies, and powerful politicians."

Prediction: Prepare to hear "secular-socialist" A LOT also heh.

Jobs:

"We should cut the corporate tax rate to 12.5% to match Ireland and match China on investment by eliminating the capital gains tax completely. We should also cut payroll taxes by 50% for both the employer and employee and provide a 100% tax write-off for new equipment. Eliminating the death tax would be both morally correct and a boon to economic growth."

APPLAUSE!!!

Health-Care:

"We must repeal and replace the left’s big government health bill with real solutions that will lower costs and improve health outcomes."

Replace? That scares me. If you read his entire healthcare ~~rant~~ position, it sounds as if a democrat could've written it...minus the use of the word "miasma", of course.

Education:

"We need to break out of our broken and outdated education model by expanding the use of charter schools and embracing school vouchers (or Pell Grants for K-12) to give parents immediate options if their child is trapped in a failing school."

~~Blah, blah, blah.~~ Applause.

Environment and Energy:

"'Green conservatism' aims to bring about a cleaner, greener world while protecting the freedom and dignity of all people and ensuring their right to a better economic future"

Prediction: Prepare to hear "green conservatism" A LOT also world? heh.

Immigration:

"Any new worker visa program created to incorporate those illegal immigrants in the US with steady employment must be designed in a high tech way to make forgery impossible."

Sounds like somebody hearts an amnesty plan. R I N O.

Religious Liberty: (two parter)

"The secular socialist left – who hates the idea of an authority higher than the government - has used its domination of academia, the courts, and the media to twist the meaning of the first amendment from a right that protects religious liberty to prohibition on religious expression in the public square."

SECULAR SOCIALIST!!! R'rrrrar.

"To fight back, Newt and Callista have produced the Rediscovering God in America series (books and DVDs) to show how central religious expression in the public square was at the founding of America and throughout our history."

Rediscovery > Skeletons (also, I guess you're supposed to buy his books and DVDs)

And finally, my favorite category...

Judicial Activism:

"The elected branches – the executive and legislative – have other recourses to serve as a check against judicial overreach, including limiting the jurisdiction of federal courts on matters where they have consistently overreached their constitutional authority."

Dude.

Dear Newt, please go away...unless you want to be the next Job Czar. Also, thanks for the material.

Coming in 369 Days, The 2012 Iowa Caucus

2011-02-02T18:28:00.002-06:00

We are, almost, officially one year out from the first in the nation caucus which takes place in the great state of Iowa. Did I mention that I live in Iowa? The Iowa Caucus will take place Tuesday, February 6, 2012. This is a month later than it is usually held. According to The Washington Post, the RNC changed the date "to make it difficult for a candidate to rack up an insurmountable number of delegates early in the process, forcing candidates to campaign across the country." Perhaps taking votes away from someone like former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who is a very likeable guy that spent a lot of time schmoozing in Iowa.

The Iowa caucus is like the Iowa State Fair for political junkies albeit in freezing cold temps. News trucks line the downtown streets. The local economy gets fatter as familiar faces from television and the campaign trail feast on corn fed beef or pork at neighborhood eateries with dark bars. Restaurateurs and residents alike cheerfully take note of their famous guests, spreading the word of sightings as fast as their fingers can text.

If you couldn't tell already, I love the Iowa caucus. As an implant from the Washington DC area, the buzz leading up to the Iowa caucus gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. You know that feeling that most people get when they smell their grandmother's chocolate chip cookies? I get that way when I smell Italian leather, cashmere and single malt scotch with a hint of smugness and nicotine.

My point is, we republicans have another year before we get to decide who we are going to put up against President Obama for the 2012 Presidential Election and in doing so, what platform we are going to support most. I am in favor of any candidate with a strong economical plan; plan being the operative word.

We must choose wisely and think in terms of putting forth a winner, a republican candidate with core conservative principles who has a specific economic plan that will lure independents who are fed up with rhetoric and ready for real change and growth. This candidate must campaign on issues that matter today, not issues of the past. And their campaign must go beyond talking points and one-liners.

The republican pool for the presidency is going to be bigger than ever. President Obama is a master campaigner who will likely have a billion dollars at his disposal. His oratory skills and charisma on the stump will be hard to match so we mustn't try. Facts, figures, methods and means are the only way to defeat Obama. So, I implore you to put your litmus tests away, social cons; a RINO in the White House > Barack Obama.

Cross-posted at Pundit League

Lance Armstrong: Cancer Survivor and Cheater?

2011-01-26T16:56:00.006-06:00

This week's Sports Illustrated has a pretty scathing article about cyclist golden boy, Lance Armstrong. In short, Armstrong is under federal investigation and could face charges against him of conspiracy, wire fraud, money laundering, racketeering, drug trafficking and defrauding the US government.

Yikes.

Directing the government’s investigation is the Eliot Ness of Performance Enhancing Drug (PED) inquiries, Jeff Novitzky. Remember him? He famously brought down BALCO Labs and Olympian Marion Jones.

If you haven’t read the article it's worth a read. Lance Armstrong maintains that he will be vindicated. But after reading all of the allegations from so many people closely involved with US Cycling and Armstrong himself, it's easier to believe that from 1990 to 2009 US Cycling was a very dirty sport and everyone that was affiliated with the teams is guilty. Armstrong and his lawyer would rather throw around words like "discredited" in the direction of anyone who is cooperating with the investigation or who has made public statements regarding his alleged use of PEDs.

I know, I know…but, Armstrong is a cancer survivor and his foundation raises so much money for cancer research. If he cheated, surviving cancer doesn't make him any less of a cheater. Also, Floyd Landis is quoted in the SI article as saying: "Lance told me that [Dr. Michele] Ferrari had been paranoid that he had helped cause the cancer and became more conservative after that". File that quote under: things that make you go hmmm. Also, yes, I’m aware that no one believes anything uttered by the "discredited" Landis.

This article confirms my feeling that Lance Armstrong is the Barry Bonds of cycling. Speaking of Bonds, Barry Bonds he’s facing perjury charges (thanks to Novitzky's BALCO investigation). If Bonds was a cancer survivor would baseball fans feel any different about him? No. We wouldn’t.

As a lifelong Orioles fan (go ahead, laugh) I grew up watching Cal Ripken, Jr. play. If the Orioles had a game, Cal, Jr. played in it. In good seasons and in bad, like when the O’s started their season 0-21 and his father Cal, Sr. was fired as Skipper…Cal, Jr. continued to play. He played in 2,632 consecutive games, all with the Orioles. Cal, Jr. played in all those games during the so-called "steroid era" in baseball and was never associated with the use of any PED. If he had been, my heart would have shattered.

Remember how outraged we were during the 2008 Summer Olympics when the Chinese girl's gymnastics team beat our girl's team with their ~~toddler~~ underage squad? They cheated. And while I do think that cheating is cheating, period; using PEDs in an endurance sport like cycling seems more beneficial than in a sport that also involves physics and hand-eye coordination like baseball. Seriously, anyone can ride a bike, including me. I've never tried hitting a home run out of Giants Stadium but I’m pretty sure that I couldn't even if I was on roids.

And while I understand that US Cycling isn't exactly Major League Baseball, Lance Armstrong has catapulted himself from US Cyclist to some kind of American hero. So while we as Americans may not care much about the ins and outs of cycling we should care about someone who may have duped us into thinking that he’s one of the good guys.

Cross-posted at Pundit League

You are Formally Invited Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca

2011-01-24T21:59:00.009-06:00

Hey kids! Guess what? Nope. Guess again? Nooooooo. Okay, okay...stop begging, I'll tell you...

Yours truly will be live on these here intertubes...as the kids say...oh they don't say that anymore, who cares...anyway as I say saying and writing (it's called multitasking also shaddup) Thursday night at 11 pm CT (that's stands for "central time" dummy) I will be debuting a live *gulp* show on Brad Wyman's ustream channel, WYTV. [hint: that's called a name drop, that means you should Google him]

My show, "Down the Rabbit Hole with Duchess Rebecca" conceptually, is the would be love-child if The View (ABC) and Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (Bravo) made a demented thirty-fun-year-old-baby. Sounds awesome, right?

Do you have questions for me? Well by all means, tweet me @duchess_rebecca, Facebook me, email me duchessrebecca@gmail.com or if you'd like to send me something good, please do:

Duchess Rebecca

PO BOX 13332

Des Moines, IA 50310

I'm super excited and supremely nervous, tune in to watch me make a big fool of myself in a most fantastic way live this Thursday night (9 pm PT, 11 pm CT)/Friday (12 am ET).

Watch or die. No...really, no promises...I am very powerful.

Quiz: Will You Be Watching American Idol?

2011-01-24T13:17:00.000-06:00

Quiz: Will You Be Watching <i>American Idol</i>?

Happy Birthday, Wikipedia!

2011-01-12T16:43:00.007-06:00

Ten years ago, this week, the internet was forever changed with the January 15, 2001 launch of Wikipedia.org. With over 3.5 million English language entries, Wikipedia has become the go-to place for information. Some teachers frown on or flat out forbid the use of Wikipedia as a factual source for information because anyone may edit any page. But, I say hogwash...actually I say something else but this is a family show...Wikipedia is the cat's pajamas!

Where else can you find:

...famous people that share your birthday?

...is it a fruit or a vegetable?

...the side effects of Vicodin?

...the lifespan of a hamster?

...the Weight Watchers PointsPlus formula?

...the traditional gift for your sister's 12th wedding anniversary?

...recipe for a Flirtini?

...the administrative capital of Sri Lanka?

...all of the Green Lantern bios?

...a list of NFL individual player records?

and so much more, all in one place???

Birthday cheers, Wikipedia!

h/t Major Garrett

Cross-posted at Pundit League

Stalking for Dummies

2011-01-05T14:09:00.002-06:00

Like having your personal information on the web such as home address and telephone number, age, information about your home and more? All in one place? Well have I got great news for you! There's a new(ish) website, spokeo.com, that shares most of your private personal information for free or the whole kit and kaboddle for under $40 a year. Creeptastic!

I visited spokeo, typed in my name and hit enter. My jaw dropped as not only my home address showed up and not one but three views of my home. *waving* Hello, creepers! Also available, my home phone number, house value, household income, credit score and much, much more! How dare they not share my shoe size, at least then, my stalkers could send stylish gifts. Hrmph. Oh well. I didn't freak out, because thanks to a friend's Facebook status update, I knew how to remove my listing. Many thanks, Katy!

Here's what YOU need to do, asap:

1) Go to spokeo.com - their site must be very busy today, be patient, you will want to remove your listing

2) type in your name, city and state

3) The next page will have your info, go to the top of the page and copy the url address

4) at the bottom in small print, click "privacy" - this should take you to a new page

5) paste your page's url address, enter your email and the security code given

6) check your email and click the confirmation to remove yourself

You're Welcome!

According to Snopes, this is only half the battle. They're still going to sell your info to third party members a la Facebook. But hey, maybe now that creepy guy on Twitter won't show up at your crib with duct tape and chloroform.

PS If you do find my address, I wear a size 39 (or an 8.5).

Cross-posted at Pundit League

Obama, The Eagles and Tucker Carlson Walk Into a Bar

2010-12-29T12:01:00.005-06:00

It seems everyone has an opinion on Michael Vick's redemption story including President Obama. In case you were under a rock yesterday, Obama phoned Eagles owner, Jeff Lurie who shared:

“The president wanted to talk about two things, but the first was Michael,’’ Lurie told Peter King, who wrote of the conversation for SI.com. “He said, ‘So many people who serve time never get a fair second chance. He was ... passionate about it. He said it’s never a level playing field for prisoners when they get out of jail. And he was happy that we did something on such a national stage that showed our faith in giving someone a second chance after such a major downfall.’

The second thing President Obama wanted to discuss with Lurie was the use of wind turbines, solar panels and coming soon, a biodiesel plant at Lincoln Financial Field. I know, yawn.

A few of thoughts on the Presidential phone call before I weigh in on Vick. Firstly, shame on Lurie for the kiss and tell. Also, this might be the stupidest "I'm outraged that Obama did/said that" story of the year. Lastly, I agree with President Obama on Michael Vick.

I love dogs, especially my dog and I hate the Eagles. But Michael Vick and the NFL deserve a pat on the back. A young black man, not to mention an elite quarterback, who was wrapped up in a dog-fighting and gambling ring as large as Vick was bankrolling to plead guilty, go to prison for nearly two years and lose everything is a sad tragedy, if the story ends there. But the story continued, after his release he did not fall back. Statistics were not on Vick's side, the NFL was. Vick wasn't angry at "the man" and if he was, he didn't show it. He followed the rules, went to meetings, swallowed his ego and his pride and did what Roger Goodell asked of him to get his life back. I'm sure it wasn't an easy thing to do, the path to self destruction is usually easier and more common. And if you want proof, check out the stats, both on and off the field, of Vick's younger brother, Marcus.

This leads me to Tucker Carlson, who said yesterday while filling in for Sean Hannity:

"I'm a Christian, I've made mistakes myself, I believe fervently in second chances," Carlson said. "But Michael Vick killed dogs, and he did in a heartless and cruel way. And I think, personally, he should've been executed for that. He wasn't, but the idea that the President of the United States would be getting behind someone who murdered dogs? Kind of beyond the pale."

What the bleepity, bleep, bleep, Tucker? You know, anytime a person starts a sentence off with "I'm a Christian..." it's gonna be a doozy. In the name of unity I'm going to refrain from further comment but methinks Tucker is still upset that he was never able to play the "Name Game".

Cross-posted at Pundit League

Vacation Pics!!!

2010-12-28T10:56:00.029-06:00

I'm baaack! So here it is, the obligatory vacay pictorial blog post. Our nine day trip to Jaco Beach, Costa Rica was lazy and uneventful. We laid around the pool and drank (and ate) a lot. Here are some shots of our low-key family fun. Enjoy!

Fergie munching on some nummy treats before being kenneled.

Before leaving it's present time, J opening up his new laptop

Wakey-wakey, it's time to go!

Iggy the Iguana crawls out of his hole to welcome us.

First night pizza dinner at Rio Oasis

Yum, pizza

Pool day!

Sunset smiles.

J getting ready for a swim (he likes this pic because he thinks it shows off his muscles).

A rocking iguana...

...he bobbed his head to the music!

The sun setting on another perfect day...

G'nite kiss.

Surf lesson time for K and...

J!!!

Action shot! J rides in as K paddles out!

Me and K at dinner.

Fee fi fo fum, I smell the Goose of yum, yum, yum.

Macaws on the way to the crocodile safari.

A Yellow-headed Caracara eating a bite of chicken.

A big ass crocodile called Mike Tyson.

Mike Tyson weighs around 1200 lbs and...

...he likes chicken.

J shot a video of one of our guides, Carlos, feeding another croc. YIKES!

The crocodile safari was kinda scary but never fear when Jesus is your co-pilot!

Cheers! I survived the crocodile safari and then I fried my shoulders.

Another perfect day!!!

A leetle crab was stuck in our pool...

picked him up and...

...returned him safely to his salty home.

Geckos were all over the place, did you know that they make a loud clucking sound? Me either.

Apparently the A-Team was also in Jaco.

The supermercato "ran out" of Goose :(

Dinner smiles!

Dinner headlock.

A local townie named Jose makes things out of palm leaves for tips, presumably to support his drug habit. I support locals and their habits.

a fish for J...

and a heart for K.

Arriving for drinks at Los Suenos Marina.

Dinner at Lemon Zest (my fave spot, we ate there twice).

She loves me...

...she loves me, not.

Christmas Eve sunset

Ready for Christmas Eve grubbing.

J looking confused at dinner.

More GI Joes from Grandma Claus.

Ice cream sundae for dessert.

Resort nativity

Kids are like drug addicts, they find each other no matter what. J and his new friend Colin at the Backyard BBQ in Hermosa Beach to watch the Christmas Day surf competition.

J and surf competition winner, Mr. Brown.

J proudly supports the Cowboys for Christmas football.

Santa has stiffed me for years.

Goodbye Iggy, see you next year.

The final room tally.

Sun setting on our last day.

Until next year! Pura Vida!

I'm not lazy, I'm busy. Also, I tease.

2010-12-15T13:19:00.005-06:00

In case you haven't heard, I'm leaving for Costa Rica this Friday. In true Duchess Rebecca form, I have a lot of last minute things to do before I leave. So, if you will, imagine that I wrote something super exciting and/or controversial, whichever would make you more inclined to share and share away!

Or you can watch this cool Google Zeitgeist 2010: Year in Review video and share it.

Video h/t @ThoseVideoGuys, check out their live show on WYTV (Wednesdays @ 3pm ET); Also, WYTV will be getting a very familiar face in 2011. . .stay tuned.

Cross-posted at Pundit League

Merry Bleeping Christmas!!!

2010-12-08T09:15:00.014-06:00

After reading "Why Christmas Is Destroying Corporate America" by Penelope Trunk I couldn't get the perma-frown off my face. Destroying? Really??? Hmmm...kind of an oxymoron considering retail corporate America would croak without Christmas, but that's a whole nother thing or something.

People who feign faux outrage in the name of diversity and tolerance are usually the most intolerant people you'll ever meet. Ms. Trunk, weakly, argues that she wants to work on Christmas because making her take it off is discriminatory and finds "holiday" parties alienating because the Christmas tree in the corner is totally creeping her out and she hates all things cheerful.

American Christians are attacked every year for celebrating our biggest retail holiday. We've adapted with PC Christmas cards, greetings and salutations. We've replaced nativities with plastic dancing Santas and loads of other Christmas junk manufactured by children in China. I dare Ms. Trunk or anyone in the "offended by Christmas posse" to visit Central America over the holiday. In Costa Rica (where I will be basking in nine days) it is commonplace for businesses to display a nativity set. I noticed because it seemed odd, which is odd because it shouldn't be odd because it's Christmas!

The great American Christmas is full of secular nonsense that has nothing to do with the birth of Christ; but the soul of Christmas remains, the season for giving and charity (and stress and thoughts of suicide). Ms. Trunk should pick up a copy of Dickens' A Christmas Carol and get acquainted with the spirit of Christmas, in the name of tolerance. And as for office holiday parties, unless your boss is reading to you from one of the Gospels...get over yourself and have a cocktail or three. Cheers and. . .Merry Christmas.

Cross-posted at Pundit League

TSA, Airport Security and Cops

2010-11-20T15:51:00.006-06:00

When it comes to airport security, profiling is the only answer. Weapons and bombs are useless without people. Terrorists are people. People that use weapons and bombs to kill innocents for sport. Jihad is the new jai alai or something.

Law Enforcement agents are trained to react to human behavior. For example, in a police traffic stop, a driver is stopped for speeding, the officer approaches the vehicle and profiles the driver while asking for his/her driver's license, registration and proof of insurance. If the officer picks up on any suspicious activity or odors he would then react differently to the subject. The Department of Homeland Security has taken this training and instinct out of airport security.

My problem with the TSA is this:

Not exactly layers of *security* there, eh? And as for training:

"Depending on the assigned function, a TSO's initial training consists of about 130 hours, 70 of which are on the job. The training involves classroom training on the passenger checkpoint that features a combination of instructor-led lessons and demonstrations; a Web-based introductory overview of what officers should expect; and on-the-job certification."

So let me get this straight, not all TSA agents are law enforcement agents and more than half of their training is "on the job". Feel safer yet?

The FBI, local law enforcement and in larger more at risk airports, the National Guard seem like better folks to be carrying out our security don't you think? The TSA can continue to help stranded motorists and assist air travelers in digging their cars out after blizzards.

TSA, Airport Security and Junk

2010-11-15T09:35:00.008-06:00

Over the weekend some people were outraged by this video showing a TSA agent searching three-year-old, Mandy at Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport:

This child was not singled out. According to TSA's website:

"We have to screen everyone, regardless of age (even babies), before they can go through the security checkpoint."

First of all, I'm sure that little Mandy's daddy, reporter Steve Simon, wasn't too upset that this happened to his tot. Secondly, Mr. Simon, who refers to his daughter as "cranky" (perhaps because her teddy bear was taken away) notes: "First they [TSA agents] tried a hand-held metal detector, Mandy was not in the mood."

I know what you're thinking...but she's a child traveling with her mommy and daddy, terrorists don't blow up airplanes while traveling with their families. I agree but, as Ed Morrissey over at Hotair points out:

"We can’t know for certain that terrorists wouldn’t use a child as a mule to get explosives or other weapons through airport security, of course. In fact, we’ve seen al-Qaeda use children and the mentally impaired as “suicide” bombers in Iraq, so we know they have no scruples in doing so."

Airport security evolves usually after incident, not before. The new "everyone gets screened" policy went into effect after last year's failed underwear bomb attack. Even though he should have never been on that flight because Umar Farouk Adbulmutallab DID NOT have a passport. But never fear because "the system worked". Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, I mean the attack was a failure and if the crotchbomber hadn't gotten on this flight we'd still be at risk for this type of threat, right?

I support the Patriot Act (I know, I know...RINO) and any policy that keeps terrorists off of airplanes. The full body scanners which show your everything to TSA screeners, and may have shown Adbulmutallab's crotch bomb, aren't going over well with travelers. Not only are the body scanners seen as invasive and intrusive but some say they may also put you at risk for unsafe radiation exposure. The FTLA (Future Trial Lawyers of America) are smiling. Cha-ching! Not into radiation, no worries you can always opt for an "aggressive" pat-down.

Out: "Don't tase me, bro!", In: "You touch my junk and I'm going to have you arrested!".

Better Solutions:

One country comes to mind when you think of airport security: Israel. I have never been to Israel, but I know that they don't mess around when it comes to airport security. They use layers of security. They profile everyone for "passengers who could pose a potential risk" aka intent. And they don't have an ACLU.

"Before even entering the airport, all cars are stopped for a security check by armed guards. Cameras scan license plates to match them with a database of suspicious vehicles. Security officials said it's one of the many security filters passengers pass before boarding flights, some of them unknown to the passengers and many others still kept secret."

"The Israeli airport's spokesman's unit said the main terminal is equipped with 700 closed-circuit cameras and is fortified against explosions. The large glass wall at the front and even the trash cans inside are bombproof, they said. "

"Before approaching the ticket counter, passengers are thoroughly questioned by 'selectors' who look for travelers who match a suspicious profile."

Israel also uses "Behavior Pattern Recognition" (which has been implemented in at least two US airports, Logan International in Boston and Miami International)

"The process scans the behavior of people in airports to identify potential terrorists. Pattern recognition, in the normal course, identifies vaguely delineated entities, such as diseases, human faces, or video images. This article presents behavior pattern recognition as a logical neural process, which senses the behavior of objects in the environment. The human mind applies the process, supporting it with massive memories and myriad analytical subsystems. Behavior pattern recognition enables the human mind to understand events."

"Israeli security systems evaluate a series of events to reach a conclusion. Their airport screening supervisors have a score sheet with a list of behaviors on it."

Security Solutions asked:

"What can U.S. airports learn from the way Ben Gurion manages aviation security?"

"According to Raphael 'Rafi' Ron, who served as director of security at Ben Gurion for five years, aviation security in the U.S. suffers from two shortcomings that Ben Gurion has dealt with and overcome. First, the U.S. has failed in its efforts to develop comprehensive layered security programs that protect airports in their entirety, from perimeter access roads to passenger checkpoints. Second, airport security directors in the U.S. have failed to come to terms with what Ron calls the human factor — the inescapable fact that terrorist attacks are carried out by people who can be found and stopped by an effective security methodology."

Mr. Ron, now President of New Age Security Solutions, is a consultant for Logan International Airport in Boston. Ron makes note of the differences between Tel Aviv's Ben Gurion airport and Boston's Logan:

"Ron acknowledges that specific procedures probably will not transfer directly from Ben Gurion to Logan or to other U.S. airports. Ben Gurion, for example, is relatively small. It deals with 6 to 10 million passengers a year, whereas 25 to 30 million passengers move through Logan. Ron also notes that while the terrorist threat in Israel is similar to the threat posed by terrorists to U.S. airports, the level of intensity is lower in the U.S."

Israel's policy in short: it's all about the people, stupid. Profile everyone, assess terrorism risk, respond accordingly.

Final Thoughts

Like Melissa Clouthier, I too was selected to be randomly screened at an airport shortly after 9/11, while traveling (solo) with my kids (ages two and eight, at the time). I blame the gum that was all over the seat of my pants. Yay, kids! The incident happened at MCI in Kansas City. My two-year-old son was screaming because he thought, as the agent wanded me, that I was being harmed. He was not in a stroller and kept coming over to me, the agent said "he cannot touch you". Another mommy who was also on our flight picked him up, he screamed louder, as me and my threatening self were cleared for takeoff.

According to the TSA's website, they're no longer causing separation anxiety:

"We will not ask you to do anything that will separate you from your child or children."

As of today, you and your children are subject to screening. Now that you know this, talk to your younglings about what's going to happen at the airport. There is a possibility that they will be patted down or wanded with a hand held metal detector, demonstrate these actions to them at home so that they know what to expect. And if you're one of those people with small children who's boycotting air travel until the TSA changes their policy, many thanks. Personally, I like my flights children free.

Semper Fidelis, Semper Fortis

2010-11-11T17:53:00.004-06:00

On this Veteran's Day, the US Navy activated the USS Dunham (DDG 109). The Destroyer is named for Medal of Honor recipient, Marine Corporal Jason Dunham.

Cpl. Dunham was the first Marine to receive the Medal of Honor since the Vietnam War. Words cannot describe his bravery:

"For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty while serving as Rifle Squad Leader, 4th Platoon, Company K, Third Battalion, Seventh Marines (Reinforced), Regimental Combat Team 7, First Marine Division (Reinforced), on 14 April 2004. Corporal Dunham's squad was conducting a reconnaissance mission in the town of Karabilah, Iraq, when they heard rocket-propelled grenade and small arms fire erupt approximately two kilometers to the west. Corporal Dunham led his Combined Anti-Armor Team towards the engagement to provide fire support to their Battalion Commander's convoy, which had been ambushed as it was traveling to Camp Husaybah. As Corporal Dunham and his Marines advanced, they quickly began to receive enemy fire. Corporal Dunham ordered his squad to dismount their vehicles and led one of his fire teams on foot several blocks south of the ambushed convoy. Discovering seven Iraqi vehicles in a column attempting to depart, Corporal Dunham and his team stopped the vehicles to search them for weapons. As they approached the vehicles, an insurgent leaped out and attacked Corporal Dunham. Corporal Dunham wrestled the insurgent to the ground and in the ensuing struggle saw the insurgent release a grenade. Corporal Dunham immediately alerted his fellow Marines to the threat. Aware of the imminent danger and without hesitation, Corporal Dunham covered the grenade with his helmet and body, bearing the brunt of the explosion and shielding his Marines from the blast. In an ultimate and selfless act of bravery in which he was mortally wounded, he saved the lives of at least two fellow Marines. By his undaunted courage, intrepid fighting spirit, and unwavering devotion to duty, Corporal Dunham gallantly gave his life for his country, thereby reflecting great credit upon himself and upholding the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service."

A piece of Dunham's helmet is encased in the ship's mast.

The TSA Tunes in Tokyo

2010-11-10T14:30:00.007-06:00

Every year for Christmas, my in-laws take us on a trip (<- major perk). We used to go skiing in Aspen, which didn't suck and I don't ski. But, somebody has to partake in apres ski merrymaking with furry celebutantes and their sugar daddies. I stepped up and did my duty. The Aspen vacays were great. The highlight? ~~Listening to my cherubs' tales of tackling Snowmass Mountain's black diamond runs~~ Partying at the Caribou Club with Ivana Trump.

Ivana had some great moves, but, I longed for more. . .more sunshine and less snow. So, when my papa-in-law suggested a Griswold Christmas in Costa Rica, I said "hello, sunshine" and started packing.

Next month will be our third Christmas in Costa Rica. I've never been to Mexico but I've been to the Caribbean (and Oklahoma). Anyway, we Christmas in Jaco (yes, I just used "Christmas" as a verb) on the Pacific Coast. It's not touristy, it's not fancy. It's authentic and the people are genuine...there are hugs goodbye at the end of our stay.

Anyway...my point of this post was not to brag about how great my life is and pimp tourism for Costa Rica, but it seems that's all I've done so far. Sorry.

Last year we flew home on December 27th, just two days after a terrorist tried to blow up his junk (and Motown) on an international flight. As a result of the new style of attack - igniting explosive underoos while hiding beneath a diseased airline blanket - new security measures were immediately implemented.

We still didn't know many details of what had happened on Northwest Flight 253. Airport officials told all passengers traveling to the United States, when checking in, "no liquids or powders, period". I panicked a bit as I searched in my purse and carry-on bag for all things powder and liquid and shoved them in my already bursting suitcase.

At the gate we were told that we would *all* be "patted down" and I think every single person who worked in the San Jose International Airport asked to see our passports.

They lined us up to board in one large group. As we walked down the tunnel our carry-on bags were searched again by hand and we were each ~~felt up~~ frisked by a same-sex agent. There was a large Indian family on the same flight. One of the Indian men said "we should get t-shirts that say, do no worry we are Indian". Everyone laughed, even the scary gate lady that checked my boobies for firmness (and explosives) cracked a smile. It wasn't pleasant, especially seeing children...including my own, in an airport shake down.

Once we passed inspection and were allowed to board the plane, I checked to make sure that the tadpoles weren't going to need any additional therapy. My son, who was 10 years old, grinned and said "he touched my pepe, Steve" (Multiplicity) additional therapy averted! Success!

Since our trip, the TSA has implemented the use of body scanners. There aren't enough scanners to go around so "aggressive pat downs" by trained screeners are being utilized at airports coast-to-coast to make sure that you or your neighbor don't have a Yemeni toner cartridge attached to your nutsack.

Travelers are less than thrilled with this new and improved (?) security measure. Personally, I'd rather be safe than y'know dead. Cheer up, you're not being humiliated alone. There's still inflight booze...for now. Most of them are professionals, but if a TSA screener "aggressively" pats you down and Let's Get It On starts playing in your head, file a complaint. I mean, nobody likes being groped by a stranger, except maybe -> this guy <- click the link, do it and don't forget to scroll down. You're welcome!

DeMint, Media Matters and Robot Alley

2010-11-09T22:06:00.008-06:00

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I was ragging on Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) this evening because apparently he thinks you can't be a fiscal conservative without being a social conservative. If you don't follow me on Twitter *eyeroll* it's your loss, loser.

Allow me to rag s'more (as in: "rag some more", not "rag smore" - that would be disgusting, who are you, people?): Anyway, as I was saying...Yes you can, Senator Dum-Dum. For example: I don't like big government, period. This includes being opposed to the out of control spending on blah, blah, overreaching and likely to fail programs and being against having big government all up in your personal business (i.e. the anti-gay, anti-euthanasia, censorship wand flailing, blah, blah, pro-marriage-amendment, jerks...aka social conservatives). Also don't be shocked if value voters fanboi, Senator DeMint turns out to be Senator Creme DeMenthe. IYKWIMAITYD (and if you don't, click the link).

What was my point??? Oh yeah, some of my followers got ~~their panties in a wad~~ annoyed with me for criticizing a fellow republican. Some of them even, thankfully, unfollowed.

Soooo, for the greater good and in the spirit of unity...I started following Media Matters' Senior Fellow Eric Boehlert. Senior Fellow? What the hell does that even mean??? Oh well, after five tweets I began to feel sorry for the junior fellows at Media Matters. Remember to bite down hard, boys.

And then I got inspired:

plus:

On October 20, 2010, creepy Hungarian, George Soros, gave Media Matters, *sinister voice* "one million dollars" to fight the evil empire that is Fox News.

plus:

Discovery Health Channel's "Sex Robot"

equals:

Robot Alley (via Xtranormal h/t Red Eye w/Greg Gutfeld) starring creepy Hungarian, billionaire, George Soros and Senior Fellow Eric Boehlert:

2012 Odds!!!

2010-11-08T17:29:00.010-06:00

The midterms are over (for the most part). I mean, I still don't know who won the Alaska senate seat but I long for the days when no one cared about Alaska politics. What? I dreamt that? Oh. Well, at least nobody's talking about Delaware anymore. What? I dreamt that, too? Damn you, Ambien!

Anyway, onward to 2012! All abroad the "Who's Gonna Run" speculation train! According to 1800-sports.com, the artist formally known as Alaska's Governor matters the most:

Republican Nominee			Moneyline
Sarah Palin			+300
Mitt Romney			+400
Bobby Jindal			+500
Mike Huckabee			+500
Tim Pawlenty			+1000
Mark Sanford			+1200
Charlie Crist			+1200
David Petraeus			+1500
Newt Gingrich			+1500
Jeb Bush			+2000
John McCain			+2000
Rudolph Giuliani			+1500
Ron Paul			+2000

The odds for the democratic nomination:

Democratic Candidate			Moneyline
Barack Obama			-750
Joe Biden			+800
Hillary Clinton			+600

Joe Biden??? Oh dear.

In the general election, President Obama remains the favorite, for now:

Winning Candidate			Moneyline
Barack Obama			-130
Sarah Palin			+1000
Joe Biden			+1500
Michael Bloomberg			+2000
Mitt Romney			+1200
Bobby Jindal			+2000
Hillary Clinton			+1000
Mike Huckabee			+1500
Tim Pawlenty			+2000
Charlie Crist			+2500
David Petraeus			+4000
John McCain			+5000
Mark Sanford			+4000
Newt Gingrich			+4000
Condoleeza Rice			+2000
Al Gore			+2000
Rudolph Giuliani			+3000
Jeb Bush			+2000
Ron Paul			+5000
Evan Bayh			+2000
Bill Frist			+2500

Hmmm. . .not so fast, Vegas

From Newsmax:

"In the poll, [of 1,000 registered voters] respondents were asked: 'If there were an election for president of the United States today, and the only two names on the ballot were Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, whom would you vote for?"

Secretary Clinton crushed President Obama 60% to 40%. And speaking of crushing, looky what I found:

Click the pic to purchase. Also available, Corkscrew Bill. Oh, yes.

~~Ladies and gentlemen~~ Political junkies, place your bets.

Olbermann Suspended, Outrage Ensues

2010-11-05T17:47:00.011-05:00

Keith Olbermann has been "suspended indefinitely without pay" for violating MSNBC's ethics policy. Journalists must have permission from the President of NBC News, Steve Capus, before making any campaign contributions. Olbermann donated $2,400 to three democratic candidates, he did not seek prior approval to do so. A timeout from "Countdown" is the result. Ed Morrissey over at Hotair has the full story here.

I am shocked and outraged, SHOCKED AND OUTRAGED (repetition and all caps for sarcastic emphasis), that NBC News has such a policy. MSNBC is the most biased news station on cable TV. You know who else is SHOCKED AND OUTRAGED (all caps for actual emphasis), FAIR.org. In an "Action Alert", FAIR irately notes that NBC's parent company, GE, "made over $2 million in political contributions" and " spent another $32 million on lobbying this year". I'm fairly certain that whoever wrote that pooped in their pants.

Who else is pooping in their in pants over poor Keith Olbermann?

Michael Moore:
And The Huffington Post:
You can sign the petition here. Go ahead, you know you want to.

A Random Act of Kindness

2010-11-04T18:43:00.006-05:00

Notice anything different? This site is more cheerful, no? I think it's the Vicodin.

Anyway, I wanted to share a couple of things with, all six of, you. Two things to be exact. Two things that have nothing to do with one other. Well personally, I believe that vodka goes with everything...but you already knew that.

1) Sobieski Vodka: It's cheap, it's crisp and delicious and most importantly you can get it in a 1.75 liter bottle (I love Tito's but I can't find it in combat size...I need combat size). Bruce Willis, who owns an interest in Sobieski's parent company, is playing the role of celebrity spokesman. What? You hate Bruce Willis. He hates you back. Hmmm...What about if I told you that Sobieski is Belvedere's cheaper brother? How much cheaper? A 1.75 liter bottle of Sobieski (isn't it fun to say, now try it with a Polish accent) only costs you around $20. Yes, you read that correctly. Na zdrowie!!!

2) If you're looking for a super fantastic sunless tanner. Look no further, St. Tropez Gradual Tan Mousse (Sephora, $30) is perfect. It's light, it dries fast, it doesn't smell like fandango and you won't look like Charlie Crist after using it.

No. I don't get anything for pimping either item. I share because I care. And you should too, jerk. But if the nice people at St. Tropez Ltd or Imperial Brands (or Tito's...or Sephora) would like to send me some things. I'd be open to their generosity.

Post Election Rant || UPDATE: I Smell a Newt

2010-11-03T13:52:00.011-05:00

UPDATE: Newt Gingrich was involved, via his nonprofit organization Renewing American Leadership (ReAL), in ousting Iowa's three Supreme Court Justices last year. Perhaps as a penance for his cheating heart or perhaps to buy the support of Iowa evangelical leader, Bob Vander Plaats, either way...I'm not a fan. From National Journal:

ReAL poured $150,000 into the successful campaign by Iowa social conservatives in 2010 to oust three Iowa Supreme Court judges, who were targeted after the high court struck down a state ban on same-sex marriage.

*****

It's finally here...November 3rd. The midterm elections are over and as predicted, republicans took back the House of Representatives. The Senate majority stays with the democrats thanks, in part, to "true conservatives" and their crappy candidates. I hope Harry Reid and his pet are very happy together.

In Iowa, we vote yes or no on retaining our state's judges. The process was implemented in 1962. This year, three Supreme Court judges were on the ballot and three Supreme Court judges were booted. In case you are wondering, this has never happened before.

Why did this happen? On April 3, 2009 the Iowa Supremes unanimously (7-0) decided to uphold a District Court ruling (Varnum v. Brien); the case challenged the state's ban on same-sex marriage under the Iowa Constitution's Equal Protection Clause. Iowa's high court concluded:

"We are firmly convinced the exclusion of gay and lesbian people from the institution of civil marriage does not substantially further any important governmental objective. The legislature has excluded a historically disfavored class of persons from a supremely important civil institution without a constitutionally sufficient justification. There is no material fact, genuinely in dispute, that can affect this determination."

A penny for my thoughts? Okay. First of all, I think that the government should get the hell out of the marriage business. With 50% divorce rates, they're not very good at it. In Iowa a marriage license costs $30, it's not like they're making a killing on fees. I got married at the Justice of the Peace (on a Thursday, it was free). But since the Iowa government is all up in your marriage business, I agree with the court's decision. No, I'm not a lawyer. But, I am a pretty good judge. The same-sex marriage ban was discriminatory.

Let the voters decide!!! Normally this is a super awesome idea but it didn't happen, same-sex marriage has never been on the ballot in Iowa. The state legislature decided to ban it after Clinton signed DOMA. While we're on the subject of our fun-loving former President, he was responsible for DADT as well. Clearly, he hates the gheys. I keed, I keed.

What's Dutch for disgruntled, defeated, gubernatorial candidate? Vander Plaats. Bob Vander Plaats after being stomped by former Governor Terry Branstad in the primary toyed around with a write-in candidacy. He must have had a hard time shaking the political bug or perhaps he's just an angry man who likes being angry. Because he channeled that anger and energy towards the Iowa Supremes, in a big way. Vander Plaats' Iowa for Freedom (heh) with the help of Rep. King, Rick "I brought my dead baby home to meet his siblings" Santorum, the Family Research Council Action and the National Organization for Marriage ran a successful campaign to oust the "activist judges" complete with TV ads and a 45 county bus tour!

Wow, this is long. Hey look, a puppy.

I don't get it. Aren't conservatives supposed to be pro-marriage and pro-family? If you hate gay people then say just that. Don't hide behind marriage amendment chatter while slinging around mistruths like "activist judges".

Former Iowa Supreme Court Justice, Linda Neuman said that she saw none of the "judicial activism" in the high court's decision. Former United States Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day O'Connor even weighed in on the controversy while at an event in Iowa. O'Connor, who was introduced by Chief Justice Ternus, said "the judges should not be subject to retaliation".

Former Iowa Governor Robert Ray (R) said he hoped voters could “look past the hype on individual cases”. Gov. Ray made these comments at the Iowa State Bar Association's 2010 Judicial Plebiscite release. Each year the state Bar's members are asked to rate Iowa's judges, 3,429 attorneys participated. How did these "activist judges" fare? Justice Michael Streit (rhymes with "right") 83.7%, Justice David Baker (rhymes with "maker") 82.8% and bringing up the rear (Iowa's first female) Chief Justice Marsha Ternus (rhymes with nothing) received a 72% rating for retention.

When asked about these ratings, Iowa for Freedom (heh) campaign manager, Chuck Laudner, noted that none of the judges received a 100%. Then he said "nanny-nanny-boo-boo" and pooped in his pants (well maybe...I wasn't there).

What happens next? Gov. Chet Culver (D) who was defeated by Former Governor Branstad yesterday could appoint new justices before the Former Governor/Governor-Elect is (re)sworn in. Two of the three, Ternus and Streit, were appointed by Former Governor Branstad. I'm confused are you? Anyway, Vander Plaats was pretty excited, I think he said "legislate from the bench" five thousand times in his "victory speech". Also, he's not very smart and he may or may not eat his boogers.

I'll leave you (finally) with this. Civil Rights have come a long way in this country but we have some work to do. The US Supreme Court had to rule on the legality of interracial marriage in this country in 1967. I wonder what would have happened if that had been left to the voters to decide. But, I know...that's different, or something.

*Streit was appointed by Branstad to the district court bench, Culver promoted him to Iowa's high court in 2001

Pardon the Interruption and the Cliché, But...Dude? WTF???

2010-11-01T19:22:00.010-05:00

Please allow me to interrupt your nightly preliminary election math and midterm voting eve Twitter avatar decorating for a WTF story that's out of this world.

From FoxNews.com:

"The director of NASA's Ames Research Center in California casually let slip mention of the 100-Year Starship recently, a new program funded by the super-secret government agency, DARPA. In a talk at San Francisco's Long Conversation conference, Simon “Pete” Worden said DARPA has $1M to spend, plus another $100,000 from NASA itself, for the program, which will initially develop a new kind of propulsion engine that will take us to Mars or beyond.
There's only one problem: The astronauts won't come back."

Come again? Won't come back? What will they do there?

from Wired.com:

“The human space program is now really aimed at settling other worlds," Worden explained.

Settling other worlds? Colonizing Mars? Whoa.

Director Worden was fired by President Bush (43) for, presumably, whispering about such an unethical ambition. Worden was returned to his post under President Barack "I'm not doing long-term nation-building. I am not spending a trillion dollars." Obama.

According to Wired.com, Dir. Worden is interested in some elite private funding:

“We also hope to inveigle some billionaires to form a Hundred Year Starship fund”

Inveigle? Interesting word choice...

Wired.com added that Worden has chatted up Google's Larry Page:

“Larry asked me a couple weeks ago how much it would cost to send people one way to Mars and I told him $10 billion, and his response was, ‘Can you get it down to 1 or 2 billion?,’” Worden told the Long Now audience. “So now we’re starting to get a little argument over the price.”

Private funding for the space program to colonize Mars? My mind is officially blown.

RINO Slumber Party!!!

2010-10-27T15:45:00.004-05:00

If you missed Lori Ziganto, Jenn Q. Public and me on The Jenny Erikson Show yesterday or just want to listen to it over and over again (who doesn't???), take a trip over to Jenny's site and feast your ears on the best thing to happen to the internet since "Charlie bit my finger".

Thanks again Jenny, Lori and Jenn.

Conservative Chick Chat TONIGHT!!!

2010-10-26T14:55:00.005-05:00

Do you like smart, hot chicks? O'course you do! Tonight at 10 pm ET listen to The Jenny Erikson Show at From the Right Radio. Tune in as Jenny, Jenn Q. Public, Lori Ziganto and I have a candid discussion covering next week's election, pot, fear of flying, sexy photos and more!

We're also available for parties.

Yankees Sweep ALDS...Grrrrrrr.

2010-10-09T23:45:00.009-05:00

I bleed for baseball. As an Orioles fan, translation: I bleed. This video makes me hate the Yankees less (I need all the help I can get):

Click to watch on youtube.

GO RANGERS!!!

Unity!!!

2010-09-18T15:13:00.006-05:00

Full disclosure: I am not registered to vote in Delaware or Alaska; but I have opinions and everyone else is putting their two cents in (or more ... whoa). And, I have a big mouth.

US Senate hopeful, Christine O'Donnell is a kook. If you want the full list of crazie, take a trip over to your favorite search engine. In the name of unity (and laziness), I'm not listing it here.

Let's take a trip back in time. Picture it 2006; a time before the Tea Partyers were tea partying, ~~President~~ (Junior) Senator Obama was still a newbie strolling, happily around DC, the unemployment rate was around 4.5% and Twitter was born. 2006 was pretty awesome.

In Delaware's 2006 US Senate republican primary election, Christine O'Donnell was defeated by Jan Ting. O'Donnell must have gazed into her magic crystal ball and saw that in the future Ting would endorse Barack Obama for President and leave the Republican party in 2008; because instead of bowing out gracefully and throwing her support behind Ting in his bid to defeat democratic incumbent Sen. Carper she ran as a write-in candidate. ~~Voters and pundits were outraged.~~ Crickets.

Welcome back to 2010! Tea Party on! Vacation President Obama has played more golf than GWB and Clinton combined, the unemployment rate is twice as high as it was four years ago and everybody and their grandma is on Twitter. Damn, 2010 kinda blows.

On Tuesday, the third time was a charm for Christine O'Donnell. She, now a Tea Party candidate, successfully defeated Congressman Mike Castle in the primary election, essentially igniting a, albeit small...it is Delaware we're talking about after all, civil war. Rush and Levin vs Rove and Krauthammer, The American Spectator vs The Weekly Standard; basically, true conservatives vs ruling class, sexist, cocktail partying, elitist, RINOs. The former screaming "unity, for the greater good", the latter noting that Rep. Castle had a better chance of winning the general election because he's a seasoned politician without a crazy list.

But, again in the name of unity and because an O'Donnell win in the general election is for the greater good or something I won't opine on her kookiness. Dammit, I think I just did. Oh well. Anyway. . .Vote O'Donnell!

Now, let's take another trip. This time let's go to Alaska, where incumbent, republican Senator, Lisa Murkowski was defeated in the primary election by Tea Partyer Joe Miller. Instead of bowing out gracefully, Murkowski has launched a write-in campaign. Voters and pundits are outraged. How dare she?!?

In the name of unity I'm not going to point out that O'Donnell did the same thing in 06 and nobody cared. Dammit, I did it again. Oops. I know, I know...I'm a stupid RINO that doesn't understand that Murkowski's write-in bid is wayyy different than O'Donnell's in 2006. Hmmm, if you don't support Murkowski are you a sexist?

If you live in Alaska: Vote Miller!

Ahhhhhhh...Unity! I feel better.

Really, CBS???

2010-09-02T18:26:00.007-05:00

At last count there were no fewer than 178 (give or take) crime-solving dramas on Network TV. Not enough, you say? Well have no fear because CBS is adding another to their fall lineup; CSI Honolulu? No. On September 20, 2010 the Hawaii Five-0 redux will debut on CBS, exactly 42 years from its original air date.

In blasphemous form, the new series will feature the same characters as the original. The role of McGarrett is being played by some skinny Aussie that I’ve never heard of. Zulu’s role of Kono will be portrayed by a chick and worse yet, James Caan’s spawn will be raping the role of Danno. Somewhere, Jack Lord is pissed.

The redux will likely be nothing like the original series, save for the character names. McGarrett will undoubtedly never don a suit. Danno will be portrayed as a snarky, defiant, wiseass. The intro will probably feature an awful remake of the original theme song which will replay over in your head as you think of ways to kill yourself. But don’t worry; you’ll be rewarded with Kono’s sexy silhouette (there’s a phrase you thought you’d never see).

Watch it if you must. I mean if someone is holding a gun to your head, you do what you’re told. Personally, I’d rather watch this fat guy dance to “My Humps” on youtube. But thanks to Monday Night Football on ESPN I don’t have to watch either, unless o’course someone shows up with a gun.

As for CBS, I say: book’em Danno, Murder One.

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeemix!!!

2010-08-26T23:49:00.002-05:00

Fiddy lends some of his cents:

And in case you're wondering Cee-lo approves.

Click to watch on youtube.

Oh yeah and warning, explicit lyrics...duh.

The Best Movie, I Never Heard of

2010-08-20T16:25:00.007-05:00

Last night after Red Eye was over with and I got bored reading New York Magazine's Sex Diaries, I flipped over to the movie channels on DirecTV. I decided to fall asleep to Zombieland on Encore, which started in fifteen minutes. In doing so, I caught the last few minutes of the greatest movie ever made, or something. I quickly searched for other showings and smiled, it was starting again at 4:45. I thanked my other husband, DVR, the moon and the stars. Then I cursed the dawn and went to bed.

If movies (and music) were food, I'd weigh 500 lbs and still not be able to name my top ten favorite recipes. Ingredients on the other hand, I could narrow down. Bacon like Russell Crowe, zombie flicks and Stones tunes never disappoint. You know who else always delivers? A badass mutha, you jive turkey!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Black Dynamite:

click the screen to watch on You Tube

You're welcome.

If I had a million dollars...I'd invest in a gay club next to the Ground Zero Mosque

2010-08-09T20:04:00.006-05:00

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. That's just what Greg Gutfeld is intending to do with his NYC neighbors planning on building a mosque and Islamic cultural center near Ground Zero in lower Manhattan.

If Muslims want to build a bridge between our two cultures in an area that is stained with innocent American blood at the hands of Islamic terrorists, I say sure. Muhammad, can you handle this? Mullah, can you handle this? Allah, can you handle this? I don't think they can handle this:

From The Daily Gut:

"I'm announcing tonight, that I am planning to build and open the first gay bar that caters not only to the west, but also Islamic gay men. To best express my sincere desire for dialogue, the bar will be situated next to the mosque Park51, in an available commercial space.

This is not a joke. I've already spoken to a number of investors, who have pledged their support in this bipartisan bid for understanding and tolerance.

As you know, the Muslim faith doesn't look kindly upon homosexuality, which is why I'm building this bar. It is an effort to break down barriers and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world.

The goal, however, is not simply to open a typical gay bar, but one friendly to men of Islamic faith. An entire floor, for example, will feature non-alcoholic drinks, since booze is forbidden by the faith. The bar will be open all day and night, to accommodate men who would rather keep their sexuality under wraps - but still want to dance."

The Twitter family has taken it upon itself to help come up with a name for Gutfeld's Bar. I suggested: Ba'ath House. You can read the others here.

Shoe Drive!

2010-07-27T17:45:00.007-05:00

I haven't posted in a while for several reasons, mostly because I'm lazy and feeling uninspired. That all changed today after receiving this email from my friends at Saks:

I want them all. . .but, I have to have these:

Hot, right? I need them, badly. If each of my Twitter followers sends me $1.37, I could buy them. It's unlikely that each of my Twitter followers will do that, so you should send more. Thanks in advance!

PS If I don't get these boots, I will die.

PPS They will sell out, so you should hurry.

UPDATE:

Shoe Drive Status:
...not exactly the way I'd hoped. Do you want me to beg? Ok, fine. You can't see me but, trust me, I'm on my knees. Thanks, I love you.

Tonight on Smart Girl Report...ME!

2010-06-22T14:18:00.008-05:00

Okay...so apparently Jenny Erikson has lost her mind or a bet, I'm not sure which; because, today she interviewed me for her radio show, Smart Girl Report. Why? I have no idea. Is it opposite day? Hmmm.

A few points:

1. I did not drink before or during the interview. If it sucks, blame this.

2. I am drinking now.

3. Jenny has a lovely phone/radio voice.

4. I'm just getting over a cold and may or may not sound like the spawn of Helen Thomas.

5. I can't remember exactly what we chatted about, tho I'm certain we were interesting, charming and smart or something...at least half of us. I was too focused on not saying any curse words. I didn't. SUCCESS!

6. The last time I was on the radio was in 1988 to dedicate INXS - Never Tear Us Apart to my junior high boyfriend.

Tune in tonight at 10 pm ET. I'll be ~~live~~ drunk tweeting the interview and perhaps my suicide after.

Smooches Jenny! Thanks again (I think). *wink*

Also, special thanks to Sean Hackbarth. You're the cats pajamas.

Vodka Taste Test: The Results

2010-06-15T15:37:00.004-05:00

After many weeks and many Advil I have come to the determination that vodka is not unlike toilet paper. There are many different kinds, some are smoother than others and there are some you'd wish you never tried. But, they all have one thing in common. . .they get the job done.

I've tried close to 70 different vodkas. I set out to try 100, but I think I'm done. I refuse to taste any of those Jolly Rancher-esque, artificially flavored bullshit varieties.

Of the nearly 70 that I sampled, most of them were palatable, few were like drinking fire water and even fewer were so crisp and clean that they mimicked something as pure as rainwater. Albeit, rainwater is free; vodka that tastes like rainwater is quite the opposite.

With a few exceptions, you really can't go wrong with vodka as a libation. Here's what you need to know:

1. Absolut wins the award for best marketing with the worst product. This wasn't news to me and should not be news to you. If you ask for Absolut by name, you are a fool and deserve the headache.

2. Russian vodkas are not created equal. For example Jewel of Russia Ultra made me purr while Russian Standard vodka could have fueled my lawnmower. Russian Standard's higher end sister Imperia was less offensive, but not as delicate and enticing as the Jewel. I am still on the lookout for a watering hole that offers Kauffman Luxury Vintage Vodka. At $225 a bottle, I'm intrigued.

3. Just because a celebrity is peddling it, don't be a sucker and buy it. In a blind taste test, I couldn't tell the difference between Ciroc, Crystal Head and Smirnoff Red Label. Also if you even consider purchasing Ed Hardy Vodka, please do me a favor and don't vote...ever.

Favorites (in no particular order):

Jewel of Russia Ultra
Vox
Tito's
Grey Goose
Ketel One
Jean Marc XO
Stoli Elite
42 Below
Svedka
Skyy

Normally, I don't kiss and tell but. . .

2010-05-24T13:20:00.009-05:00

Howdy!

First things first, I'm fully aware that I owe you 90+ vodka reviews. Trust me, I'm on it. As soon as I get organized, whatever that means...I will post.

Anyhow...blah, blah, blah I went to NYC, if you follow me on Twitter you know this, if you don't...well then, you obviously should remedy that problem. The trip consisted of four days/five nights of debauchery and one day of tourism. I went with the husband who worked a lot, which ended up being okay as it allowed me to sleep off the previous night's indulgences.

I'm not going to bore you with the usual...we ate here, we drank here, nonsense. And, I don't like to kiss and tell, even metaphorically. But, I do like to brag. . .loophole!

While in Manhattan, we had the pleasure of meeting (ahem...drinking with) the guys and gals of FNC's Red Eye w/Greg Gutfeld. If you've never seen it before, slap yourself and set your DVR for 3am ET Monday-Friday (subtract an hour or three if you live elsewhere). It's a fun, quirky show that discusses the day's news stories, some of which you may have heard about and some of which you'll wish you didn't.

Anyway...where was I? Oh yeah, bragging. . .In addition to Greg, Bill and Andy, we met Alison Rosen, Tom Shillue and Diana Falzone. All were friendly and warm like a cup of hot cocoa with extra marshmallows. What?!? You don't like marshmallows? Not even in hot cocoa? Get off my page, freak!

I feel bad not giving you any scoop, not that there was any to give...or was there? I wish I could remember. I'll share these three things, if you promise not to tell. Deal?

1) If you stare directly into Andy Levy's eyes a blue bird sings. Probably.

2) Greg Gutfeld turned water into urine...well more than likely.

and

3) Bill Schulz is an impressive drinker, well y'know for his size. Also he gets the award for last man standing.

The night ended with me drunk in the ladies' room with a chatty Jersey Girl in a tight red dress, a tumescent bust and tragic eyebrows. The husband rescued me before I got guidette poofed.

The next day, after roughly ten diet Cokes and ten Advil, I met and had dinner with Karol (Alarming News), our husbands and...a not-so-mystery mystery guest. After dinner, we drank and laughed and laughed and drank. After being deserted for a baby and a cave, the husband and I drank some more. Oh yeah, and I ate a gyro from a roach coach. Nom, nom, nom? Sure, why not.

When I got home on Monday night, along with a stack of junk mail and bills was Greg Gutfeld's new book The Bible of Unspeakable Truths. Buy it, read it, it's funny...so far.

What a Dick.

2010-05-18T15:50:00.005-05:00

Out: "It depends upon what the meaning of the word is, is." In: Whoops, I meant "during".

Dick Blumenthal, You're NO Cristy Lane!!!

http://www.cristylane.com/video/OneDayataTime120.asf

Dear Husband:

2010-05-03T22:22:00.005-05:00

Dear Husband:

Ahem, tomorrow is our 15th Wedding Anniversary. Yes, it is. We got married in 1995...do the math.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah...the gift. The traditional 15th wedding anniversary gift is crystal. Since I'm not your grandma, let's go with the modern 15th anniversary gift: glass. A (bottomless) glass of vodka.

Happy anniversary!

Love,

Me

P.S. Did you know that we got married on Star Wars Day? May the 4th Be With You!

Happy NFL Draft Day!

2010-04-22T09:44:00.007-05:00

Happy ~~Earth~~ NFL Draft Day!

With the Curse of the Jockey Underwear alive and well in Baltimore, my Orioles are 2-14, NFL Draft weekend is a welcome distraction.

For the first time in 75 years the NFL Draft will air in prime-time. The first round airs tonight on ESPN and NFL Network at 7:30 pm ET; followed by rounds 2-3 tomorrow night at 6 pm ET with the final picks, rounds 4-7, being selected Saturday starting at 10 am ET.

Round 1: Pick a stud or trade your pick.

1) St. Louis Rams

2) Detroit Lions

3) Tampa Bay Buccaneers

4) Washington Redskins

5) Kansas City Chiefs

6) Seattle Seahawks

7) Cleveland Browns

8) Oakland Raiders

9) Buffalo Bills

10) Jacksonville Jaguars

11) Denver Broncos (from Chicago)

12) Miami Dolphins

13) San Fransisco 49ers

14) Seattle Seahawks (from Denver)

15) New York Giants

16) Tennessee Titans

17) San Fransisco 49ers

18) Pittsburgh Steelers

19) Atlanta Falcons

20) Houston Texans

21) Cincinnati Bengals

22) New England Patriots

23) Green Bay Packers

24) Philadelphia Eagles

25) Baltimore Ravens

26) Arizona Cardinals

27) Dallas Cowboys

28) San Diego Chargers

29) New York Jets

30) Minnesota Vikings

31) Indianapolis Colts

32) New Orleans Saints

If my Broncos pick OSU, WR/PR Dez Bryant...I won't cry. But the rumor mill seems to think that Jerry Jones will trade up for the speedy wideout. Dallas sportswriters are still bitter over Jones taking a pass on Randy Moss in the 98 Draft. They see the opportunity to trade up and snag Bryant as a chance for redemption, or something. At least one mock draft has Bryant going to the Raiders at pick number eight, which would be both a waste and a shame.

Have your Mel Kiper, Jr insults ready! I'll meet you on Twitter (@duchess_rebecca).

Cross-posted at Liberty Pundits.

It's Earth Day...Let's go to the Movies?

2010-04-22T08:48:00.007-05:00

Tadpole #2's fifth grade class is going on an Earth Day field trip today. No, they're not going to pick up trash or to visit the local recycling facility. His class is going to the movies to see Disney's latest eye-candy, Oceans.

Remember back in September when conservatives had their panties in a wad over Obama's back to school speech (I wasn't one of them)? I find today's field trip slightly more outrageous than our President talking to school children about the importance of education, call me crazy. If the school was serious about Earth Day, I can think of ten different activities that are more appropriate...but going to the movies is just easier and more fun, I guess.

Oh well, my kid is going on the field trip. If I don't let him go, I am officially the world's meanest mother. I consider it a compromise, considering he did have to listen to me rant about the ridiculousness of this nonsensical time out of school. I likened it to taking the class to eat pie on Pi Day, poor kid.

Earth Day and Immigration Reform and Unemployment...Oh My!

2010-04-21T18:16:00.011-05:00

Tomorrow is Earth Day, my thoughts:

Don't get me wrong, I love Earth. It's where I hang my hat, even more specifically in America. Calling it "Earth Day" is a bit grandiose, no? I'm pretty sure, no matter how big our government gets, it will never have regulatory jurisdiction anywhere else besides the US.

A bit'o history: Sen. Gaylord Nelson (D-WI) was the principal founder of Earth Day in 1970. Ahhh 1970, what was going on in our country in 1970? A bunch of hippies were protesting the ~~war~~ conflict in Vietnam. The timing for such political nonsense as Earth Day was perfect. Make love not war and save Mother Earth!!!

But wait a second, there my hippie/baby boomer stoner friend...Fun fact about Sen. Gaylord Nelson, he was a proponent of real immigration reform:

"The bigger the population gets, the more serious the problems become…. We have to address the population issue. The United Nations, with the U.S. supporting it, took the position in Cairo in 1994 that every country was responsible for stabilizing its own population. It can be done. But in this country, it's phony to say 'I'm for the environment but not for limiting immigration.'"

Sen. Nelson must be rolling over in his grave over the Schumer, Graham Immigration Reform "Blueprint":

"Under the proposal, employers would be allowed to hire illegal immigrants only if they were unsuccessful in recruiting Americans for open positions. Undocumented workers living in the country would have to pay fines and back taxes and perform community service in order to earn citizenship. They would also have to pass background checks and become proficient in English."

According to the WSJ, it's next:

"President Barack Obama called Massachusetts’ new Republican senator, Scott Brown, from Air Force One today to deliver some news: Democrats are moving forward with an immigration overhaul in a month."

With unemployment numbers lingering around 10% and the endless continuation of jobless benefits being paid out, how in the world can they seriously think this is a good time to pass immigration "reform"?

I guess we're all about to find out what (Scott) Brown can do for you.

Cross-posted at Liberty Pundits

Charlie (Crist) and the Chump Factory

2010-04-19T18:36:00.009-05:00

After getting his butt kicked, 3-to-1, in fund-raising by fellow Republican US Senate hopeful, Marco Rubio, there was some speculation that Gov. Charlie Crist would jump the GOP ship.

April 8th: "To put these rumors to rest once and for all, as we have said countless times before, Governor Crist is running for the United States Senate as a Republican. He will not run as an Independent or as a No Party Affiliation," campaign manager Erik Eikenberg said in a prepared statement.

April 19th: “Damn right, I’m staying in this race.” He tells us that he will not run as a Democrat.
“I was never going to do that.” He will either stay in the GOP Senate primary or he will choose to run as an independent by the April 30 deadline. As of today, he says he is “still undecided” about which of those two options he will pursue.

Let us know when you get your head outta the sand, Crisco Charlie...which I'm guessing will be on April 30th, the deadline for declaring yourself as an Independent. Don't worry, if things don't go your way...George Hamilton isn't gonna live forever.

h/t Hot Air

Wanna donate to Marco Rubio? Click Here

Everything's Bigger in...Brooklyn???

2010-04-19T11:41:00.011-05:00

Well, maybe not everything but when it comes to bagels...everything *is* bigger in Brooklyn and how! Meet the latest breakfast yum-yum from Scott Rossillo over at Brooklyn's The Bagel Store: the bacon, egg and cheese bagel. As in...the bacon, egg and cheese is baked in the bagel !!!

photo credit: Gabel/Ny Daily News

Click here, to read Rossillo's interview with the NY Daily News in which he explains the delightful details of this Frankenbacon fiend. My fave part of the interview, when asked:

"What's the best way to eat the bacon, egg and cheese bagel?"

Rossillo answered:

"This bagel does not replace the texture of regular bacon, egg and cheese, but if you add bacon, egg and cheese to a bacon, egg and cheese bagel, it certainly increases the flavor. That’s very popular right now. It will heighten the experience for you to a new level of satisfaction."

A bagel made from bacon, egg and cheese with bacon, egg and cheese on it...three words: nom, nom, nom.

Visit The Bagel Store online for their entire menu. Then get your butt over to Brooklyn and enjoy!!!

The Russian Standard Vodka: Octane Rated?

2010-04-18T19:48:00.005-05:00

From their website: "Recognized in its homeland as a benchmark for excellence, Russian Standard Original owes its name and quality to Dmitri Mendeleev's classic formula, commissioned by Tsar Alexander III for optimum balance and purity."

Putting Russian lettering on a bottle of vodka and calling it The Russian Standard ensures some sales, so as far as marketing goes...well done. But I'm here to report on the taste.

As a non-Russian I like my vodka to be smooth. After all, vodka means "little water" in Russian. Hmmm, note to self: when in Russia, don't drink the water. I'm not saying that vodka shouldn't have a bite, I'm saying it shouldn't make me want to run and stick my tongue under the faucet after I taste it...

I removed the Russian Standard Vodka bottle from the freezer and poured it over ice. I brought the glass to my nose and breathed in deeply, the aroma is telling but not terribly overpowering. I put the rim of the glass to my lips and tipped it gently, the cold clear beverage burned everything that it touched. The alcoholic flavor was so strong I made an involuntary Howard Dean-type screech. I added more ice a touch of water and two lemon wedges, cutting the bite. The aftertaste remains.

Bottom line: After I tasted the Russian Standard Vodka, I reread the bottle for an octane rating. At $27 a bottle, there are many other choices that don't taste like acetone. If someone buys a bottle for you, file it in the regift cabinet.

360 Vodka: Eco Friendly Vodka = Gasoline

2010-04-17T23:57:00.004-05:00

Tonight I tried 360 Vodka. It's marketed as an eco-friendly choice. You can read their green spiel over at: vodka360.com (duh). Anyway, the husband bought me this bottle to taste, it cost around $20.

I put it in the freezer, where it sat for a couple of days. Tonight I poured it over ice. I lifted the glass and inhaled the aroma, I coughed...it has an intense alcohol odor. I put the glass to my lips and grimaced....360 Vodka tastes like gasoline. Full disclosure: I've never tasted gasoline, but I do love the smell (yeah, I'm one of those weirdos).

You feel the burn of 360 Vodka everywhere: your lips, your tongue and all the way down into your belly. Lawdy, I hope it stops there...I may never go pee again. I'm going to finish this glass off with a liter of club soda, hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to use my taste-buds.

Bottom line: $20 per bottle is pretty cheap as far as vodka goes, but it does make for expensive gasoline...I'm pretty sure this liter of booze could power your car, likely better than ethanol. Hmmm, maybe that's what they meant by "eco-friendly". Oh well, until next time...Cheers!!!

Vodka Taste Test: 1 down, 99 to go

2010-04-14T09:27:00.010-05:00

I may have made a huge mistake trying the Jewel of Russia Ultra as the first of my 100 vodkas in 100 days (give or take) taste test. The bar, pardon the pun, has been set...high. I'm not going to bore you with chatter about nuances of white pepper and the like...if you want to read that review...here you go. If you want an unpretentious report and review from a regular chick that drinks vodka, continue reading and enjoy!

From the Jewel of Russia website:

"This is the ultimate Russian Vodka. By combining authentic Russian character with exceptional silky smoothness, this vodka ascends well above existing Premium vodka brands to the levels of a true work of art, beyond the Super-Premium classification.

The ancient recipes are revived to produce ULTRA vodka, but the distilled spirits used to prepare this vodka undergo additional rectification treatment to practically eliminate the traces of congeners present in all lower quality vodkas. Special proprietary techniques are used to restore the original historic taste of Russian vodka.

The packaging of our Limited Edition line is exceptional. Each bottle is also a work of art, with a traditional Russian miniature hand-painted on each bottle, and individually signed by the artist.

The ULTRA bottle has a dome-like hand-painted cap cover that together with the painting makes it a perfect gift. It is also an attractive item for display or for collectors, because the scenes are changed on a regular basis.

The total availability of the ULTRA Limited Edition in the U.S. is 2,000 bottles a month."

I ordered a Jewel of Russia Ultra shot chilled. I picked up the glass, stuck my nose inside as I breathed in deeply, it was virtually odorless. I smiled and put it to my lips. This is going to be good, I thought as I tasted the clear, cold beverage. At a very chilly temperature, it is in a word: smooth. It slid down effortlessly with only the slightest bite.

As the Jewel of Russia Ultra lost its chill, the flavor and aroma intensified. At room temperature this vodka's flavor became more robust and the bite increased slightly. The finish was clean without any unpleasant aftertaste even at room temperature.

After tasting it chilled and at room temperature, I finished it off with a splash of club soda and a lemon twist. The spirit's essence was swallowed up by the crisp carbonation of the club soda. The Jewel of Russia Ultra would definitely be best enjoyed over ice, without a mixer or in a dry martini.

Jewel of Russia Ultra Vodka is on the pricey side. I live in Des Moines, at my favorite watering hole this gem cost me $20, more than three times the price of the average shot of vodka. It retails, online, for around $100 a bottle.

Remember: If you have a favorite vodka or vodka (as the only alcohol) cocktail that you'd like me to try, please tweet me @duchess_rebecca or leave your suggestion in the comments section.

Discontinued: Big Ben's Beef Jerky

2010-04-13T14:39:00.004-05:00

From USA Today's The Huddle:

"Ty Ballou, a Steelers fan and owner of the PLB Sports in Pittsburgh, told the New York Times that he is discontinuing his contract to make Big Ben Beef Jerky."

Big Ben's Beef Jerky??? Ew. I'm going to go throw-up now.

Tea Party Militia?

2010-04-13T10:45:00.004-05:00

From the AP:

"OKLAHOMA CITY – Frustrated by recent political setbacks, tea party leaders and some conservative members of the Oklahoma Legislature say they would like to create a new volunteer militia to help defend against what they believe are improper federal infringements on state sovereignty."

Say what??? Listen, I'm angry too. But, hold on Pistol Pete...a militia? Full disclosure: I've never been to a Tea Party, nor do I plan on attending one. But, I thought the Tea Party Movement was a grassroots organization focused on throwing support and raising moolah for small government/like minded candidates; not readying an anti-government paramilitary.

I don't want ANYONE from ANY political party adding to or reinterpreting the existing US Constitutional Amendments. Case and point, Oklahoma State Senator Randy Brogdon, R-Owasso (who would like to be Governor): "The Second Amendment deals directly with the right of an individual to keep and bear arms to protect themselves from an overreaching federal government."

No, no, no. The actual text of Amendment II: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." Notice that there's no mention of protection "from an overreaching federal government".

Sooners, y'all need to rethink things:

1) As the article points out: "the National Guard already provides for the state's military needs"

2) Just in case you're thinking about it, succession is illegal: Texas v. White 1869.

3) As Glenn Beck's favorite sound bite points out, Obama told us so:

4) The United States is a Democratic Republic. We delegate authority to our elected representatives, they are supposed to follow the Constitution. If they don't follow the Bundle of Compromises as Doug Llewelyn would say: "Don't take the law into your own hands: you take 'em to court." 19 states are following Mr. Llewelyn's advice (Oklahoma ain't one of 'em).

5) Rhetorical chatter about militias doesn't serve any purpose, unless you like being called a 'right wing extremist'. An armed Tea Party militia in Oklahoma would be reported in the news next to a photo of Timothy McVeigh, guaranteed.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the Second Amendment. The Founding Fathers knew the value of a strong and organized militia. They had this little thing called the Revolutionary War that they had to fight. Things are a bit different now, I'd say. While paranoia is great for TV ratings, the mid-term elections are just seven months away. I would much rather rally the conservatives and take back the House and Senate than rally the militia to do God knows what.

Happy Nostalgia

2010-04-12T20:26:00.010-05:00

OH. EM. GEE.

From Rolling Stone:

"Beck’s Record Club — his running series of quickly made cover albums featuring a rotating cast of collaborators — has returned with a satisfyingly surprising choice: INXS’ 1987 hit album Kick. This time around, the Modern Guilt singer recruited Liars, St. Vincent and Os Mutantes’ Sergio Dias to join him in the studio."

Ask anyone who knew me in 1987: "What was Rebecca's favorite band? The one she really bled for." The answer: INXS !!!

Beck and company's versions of the songs from Kick will be released weekly in order of the album's track list at Beck's Record Club website.

Thanks Karl.

I think I just peed in my pants.

KFC Double-Down Report and Review

2010-04-12T16:56:00.013-05:00

It's finally here (for a limited time)! KFC's new Double-Down ~~sandwich~~ meatwich:

This taste test almost didn't happen. The gentleman who works the drive-thru window at my local KFC was wearing a shirt that had so much spillage on it that it could feed the children, all of em. Anyway...I told myself that he didn't make my food and braved the task.

I arrived home, opened the somewhat greasy box that housed the unusual concoction known as the Double-Down which consists of two boneless fried chicken filets held together by cheese and something called "the Colonel's sauce"...oh yeah and there's bacon too. I pulled the meatwich out of the box and took a bite....it's. . .okay.

The chicken filets were on the dry side. It's more cheesy than bacon-y. I don't swoon for cheese. "The Colonel's sauce" tastes really salty. [Enter that's what she said joke here] Ew, did I really just write that?

I'm not a fast food snob. I eat fast food. I like fast food. I just like wearing other pants besides sweatpants, so I don't eat it that often. Also, I'm a label reader. A lot has been made of the Double-Down's 540 calories. I checked out the competition:

Fast Food Calorie Comparison

Wendy's Crispy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich: 460 calories

McDonald's Premium Crispy Chicken Classic Sandwich: 530 calories

KFC Double-Down: 540 calories

McDonald's Big Mac: 540 calories

Hardee's 1/4 lb Little Thickburger: 570 calories

Burger King Whopper: 670 calories

Jack in the Box Homestyle Ranch Chicken Club Sandwich: 700 calories

Hardee's Big Chicken Fillet Sandwich: 710 calories

Burger King Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich: 800 calories

You get the idea. Though the Double-Down is not being marketed as a low-carb menu item (that I've seen), it's worth noting that it only has 11 carbs. A Bacon Ranch salad with grilled chicken at McDonald's has 12 carbs. Also worth noting, the Double-Down is high in sodium (1380 mgs). Newsflash: fast food is loaded with Na.

Bottom line: I don't get the name. It tastes like chicken...and no, I couldn't finish it:

Vodka Taste Test

2010-04-10T19:57:00.008-05:00

As you all know, I love vodka. When I am partaking in the drink, I pretty much stick with Grey Goose although Vox is my personal favorite...it's just harder to find in bars. Anyway, as a lover of the Russian libation I've decided to do a taste test.

I will try 100 different vodkas, two ways. I will first taste each on its own, chilled and then the same vodka with a mixer. I'm not setting a hard time table for this project, but I'd like to complete it in 100 days. I want to try some atypical brands, if I can make that happen within the 100 day time period, great...if not, I'll go over. I will report back to you my thoughts on each.

If you have a favorite vodka or vodka (as the only alcohol) cocktail you'd like for me to try, please tweet me @duchess_rebecca or leave your suggestion in the comments section.

Thanks in advance and stay tuned...as AP would say: "What could go wrong?"

They're Baaaack !!!

2010-04-09T10:23:00.005-05:00

As a girlie girl with an affinity for overpriced shoes and handbags, Sunday nights haven't been the same since Sex and the City wrapped on HBO. I tried to get by with reruns on TBS and when that wasn't enough I went out and bought the boxed DVD set.

In May of 2008 when the fashionable four ladies of Gotham debuted on the big screen, I was thrilled; in spite of the film being critically mediocre. Since talk of the sequel, there has been much speculation mostly about, what else, babies and cheating. In seven short weeks, we will have our answers. For now, here's a tease:

OH EM GEE !!!

Play Ball !!!

2010-04-06T17:11:00.005-05:00

Tis the season to P L A Y B A L L !!! As a lifelong fan of the Orioles, I have experienced mostly despair with a side of disappointment. And while my love for the Orioles remains unchanged (i.e. unconditional), my hatred for the organization's turd owner, Peter Angelos is also unchanged (i.e. wide-ranging). The AL East is arguably the most challenging division in Major League Baseball. Angelos seems more interested in growing his fortune by suing Big Tobacco and other large corporations instead of building a consistently good ball club *weeping*. It's unlikely he will ever sell the team, but if/when he does I will celebrate in a very special way...but, o'course it's not *all* his fault.

A lot of you may have heard of the Curse of the Bambino in Boston (which ended in 2004) and the Curse of the Billy Goat in Chicago (which continues)...but. . . you may not be familiar with the Curse of the Jockey Underwear in Baltimore. The Orioles haven't won the Series since 1983. I blame this:

Tonight the Orioles begin their season, the first game of 162. Breaking the TWENTY-SIX-year-old curse is a dubious thought. So, here's to finishing the season better than we have the last TWELVE years.

For Sale: Artsy Clams

2010-03-31T15:35:00.004-05:00

Looking for a gift for that special someone who has everything??? Well, look no further. Khat Amabile's mounted vagina art is available at Etsy for around $50.

Why??? Well...I'm glad you asked, Flashnews has the answer:

Crafter Khat Amabile is strengthening friendships with her Vagina Plaque creations, molds of naughty bits made from clay and fake fur mounted onto a wooden plaque.
The vag plaques, which she sells on Etsy, are in her words, “sort of rude but awesome.” They came to be after helping out a good friend of hers she calls “Pussy Face.”
Apparently, Pussy Face was once stabbed in the vagina with a pencil by her brother and as a result required stitches that left a scar.
To show Pussy Face that her damaged goods were still lovely, Amabile made an artistic ode to her privates because, “That’s what friends do for each other.”
She’s been making the poon plaques ever since, often times “as horrible and grotesque as possible.”
Amabile insists they make great gifts because “everybody loves vagina.”

Everybody loves vagina? Even Ryan Seacrest???

Why I Drink, Reason Number 543

2010-03-30T16:38:00.006-05:00

This is not a tale of Murphy's Law...but it is a tale of teenage girls...

For those of you who do not know, I have been (accidentally) blessed with two offspring. The elder tadpole is a senior in high school...she is the star of this feature:

Setting: Monday (yesterday) afternoon, gym class...yes in Iowa you are required to take PE throughout high school. I assume this is an attempt to graduate a fit student class, it's not really working...but anyway...back to the story. . . After gym class, the daughter took her things out of her locker and placed them on the locker room bench. She left them briefly unattended to speak with a teacher...there was only one other student in her locker pod. The other student is a girl that she has known since elementary school and even attended my daughter's birthday party wayyy back in the fifth grade...ahhh memories...anyhow, my loverly pet returned to the locker room, after a few minutes, to retrieve her items and change out of her gym clothes. That's when she noticed that her phone was missing, along with $20. She announced loudly: "Someone took my phone!"

The thief...let's call her Whitney, well...because that's her name, grabbed her bag and hurriedly fled the locker room. Hmmm....not suspicious at all. She was the only person there, so she either (a) witnessed the crime or (b) she committed it, period. By not offering up any immediate witness information and instead fleeing, I'm going with option b.

The school has a full time police officer on duty, my daughter filed a report with him and informed him about Whitney's suspicious behavior...he interviewed her and called her mom. That's when, I'm pretty sure, the hot phone began its journey to the dump. Aren't girls fun???

Funny side note to the story, which made me literally laugh out loud when I heard it: in addition to the double sawback and the BlackBerry being taken...my daughter's jeans had been sabotaged...Whitney ripped the button off. I imagine the poor little genetically challenged phonejacker was upset that she couldn't fit into the pants, so she decided that if she couldn't wear them, nobody would. Again: Aren't girls FUN???

Sorry, I needed to vent....*deep breath*

Anyway...we pay the extra $4.99 per phone for Verizon's insurance (Asurion). I filed the claim online at www.phoneclaim.com where I also paid the $50 deductible. A new phone arrived today, less than 24 hours later. Her social life has been righted and I got the customer service equivalent to a happy ending.

Happy Birthday, Duchess!!!

2010-03-29T17:22:00.004-05:00

No, not me....Her:

Duchess the orangutan turned the big 5-0 today at the Phoenix Zoo...that's ten years longer than most orangutans live in the wild.

Birthday cheers, to my namesake...I think she has my eyes.

For Rent: 40NNs

2010-03-23T19:55:00.003-05:00

From eBay:

"My name is Anorei Collins and I have 40NN's as seen in the accompanying photos (no joke, I'm being serious).
People stare at me all day long. Wouldn't you like your business name/logo to be stared at as well??

Place your logo or business name on my shirt and I'll happily help you out with advertising while I do all of my everyday activities and some not
so everyday activities too! =)
I can guarantee that your ad will be seen at various locations among the following popular areas in and around Los Angeles and Hollywood, CA"

Whatever you do, do not search Google images for Anorei Collins...unless you're into that sort of [HUGE] thing(s)...

What's That Fragrance You're Wearing???

2010-03-22T23:13:00.005-05:00

Ew.

Vulva

It is not clear what compromises the concoction but it is advertised as being a "slightly yellow, desirable substance" that contains "more organic content."

UPDATE: You can watch the ad here. Gag alert.

St. Patrick's Day Kitteh

2010-03-17T18:15:00.002-05:00

Wishing you all a happy and S A F E St. Patrick's Day.

When Alpha Males Attack

2010-03-16T17:36:00.005-05:00

I don't know if this is the best story ever, but it's the best one I've read in a while...you can read the entire incident here. The best part (besides his name, Marium Varinauskas):

"The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."

How big does your dong have to be to use it as a weapon???

I know it's for my own good, but no thanks.

2010-03-16T13:41:00.009-05:00

After reading: What Do Detroit, the Postal Service, and Health Care Reform Have in Common? over at Pajamas, I've decided that after Congress is done ~~writing~~, ~~reading~~, ~~debating~~, ~~reconciling~~, ~~deeming~~ the Health-care Reform Bill maybe they should consider privatizing the USPS.

Also if you're in favor of the HCR Bill or Mitt "I like mandates" Romney, this Ed Morrissey piece from a week ago is a must read: ObamaCare abortion debate rekindles RomneyCare controversies. My two favorite points: 1) RomneyCare is, according to the WSJ, $50 million O V E R budget and 2) premiums are U P.

Marines Aren't Soldiers

2010-03-14T21:59:00.004-05:00

This photo is posted at Ace, with the caption: "An American Soldier summarized in one picture." One problem: They are Marines. Solider refers to Army personnel. Not to be nitpick-y, but I married a Marine. There is a difference.

From the embedded reporter, Goran Tomasevic:

U.S. Marine Lance Corporal Chris Sanderson, 24, from Flemington, New Jersey shouts as he tries to protect an Afghan man and his child after Taliban fighters opened fire in the town of Marjah, in Nad Ali district, Helmand province, February 13, 2010. REUTERS/Goran Tomasevic

You can view the rest of the photos here. Some include graphic content, as they were taken in a war zone.

Hello Dumb Dumb

2010-03-08T17:29:00.005-06:00

Athletes, politicians and other celebrity types, including the super wealthy are subject to a level of scrutiny that most regular folks cannot fathom. Sex scandals, weight stories and meltdowns sell magazines. Shutterbugs live for the opportunity to catch the latest starlet sans makeup, in a bikini, snorting coke off so-and-so's husband's [fill in the blank]...mega bonus cash if one of them has maintained superstar status.

What was the biggest news story of last year? The sexcapades of Tiger Woods. The three-month-old story was so sensational that it is still worthy of headlines, late night joke fodder and was most likely the cause of the recent worldwide occurrences of earthquakes.

Personally, I don't care that Tiger Woods is a cheating turd biscuit, what I find interesting is: a) how long he hid his indiscretions from TMZ and b) that there weren't any allegations of sexual assault in the mix. He must be nice to his mistresses or something...

This brings me to the topic of Ben Roethlisberger. I have been publicly spanked in the past (mostly on Twitter) by a lawyer friend because of my opinions, which are largely based on the douche-factor, on the alleged criminal behavior of a certain gotcha...er...investigative journalist. Full disclosure: I'm judgmental.

Ben Roethlisberger has been accused, again, of sexual assault. I don't know if he's guilty or not...I wasn't there. But I do know this: Roethlisberger is an epic dumbass.

Exhibit A: The Motorcycle Crash
In June, 2006, Roethlisberger was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident. He was not wearing a helmet nor was he licensed to operate this particular class of racing-style motorcycle. Ben suffered multiple facial fractures including a broken jaw. His coach, Bill Cowher had discussed concerns with Ben about his hobby after the motorcycle accident that sidelined Cleveland Browns tight end, Kellen Winslow, Jr, the year before.

Exhibit B: The First Sexual Assault Accusation
In July, 2008, a Harrah's Casino employee claims that Ben Roethlisberger raped her after she was called to his room to fix his television. The alleged victim, Andrea McNulty strikes me as a whackjob...and I honestly didn't believe her story until...

Exhibit C: Hello Dumb Dumb
Last Friday, Ben and some friends were barhopping in Milledgeville, Georgia, where according to a 20-year-old college student, Ben sexually assaulted her in the bathroom of the Capital Club. According to one arti cle:

...reports have called the woman "hysterical" as she described to police what happened, and the police also described her as someone who "did not look like" someone who would make up this kind of story.

Hmmm...

Verdict
Ben Roethlisberger is guilty of epic stupidity and bad judgment, at the very least. After the motorcycle accident, Roethlisberger returned to practice in August 06. He wore a neon green helmet cover which served as a big, bright stop sign to the defense, he was still on the mend from facial reconstruction surgery. After searching many, many photos of Big Ben I was able to find *one* of him wearing the green sheath:

This image reminded me of another:

I bet ~~Big Ben~~ The Pittsburgh Steelers organization wishes The Great Gazoo was available.

Paging Apollo

2010-03-02T20:22:00.005-06:00

I. Love. Shoes. I am currently coveting these:

If these python Louboutins end up living in my closet, I will die happy.

Congratulations, Alaska's Panties

2010-02-28T17:42:00.005-06:00

Congratulations, Alaska's Panties. You beat us at hockey. Thanks to: Rafalski, Miller, Parise and the rest of the Ice Yanks for an incredibly exciting Gold Medal game. Silver sucks, but at least our healthcare doesn't. . .yet.

The Ice Yanks Will Play for GOLD

2010-02-26T18:17:00.005-06:00

The US Men's Hockey Team will play for GOLD! After killing the Finns in a game that was decided in the first period of play, our boys have advanced to the finale. The Ice Yanks' opponent will be decided tonight when Canada and Slovakia take to the ice at 9:30 ET on CNBC. After losing to Team USA in round robin play, the Canadians have played flawlessly and should be very difficult to defeat especially with their countrymen cheering them on in Vancouver.

The Gold Medal game is scheduled for Sunday afternoon at 3:15 ET on NBC.

Once again, congrats and good luck to (my Gen-Y crush) Zach Parise and the rest of the Ice Yanks! USA! USA! USA!

Photo credit: Jacobson/AP

S H O E S ! ! !

2010-02-25T22:13:00.005-06:00

Notice anything different? Yes! I added a shoe fund for you to support, one of, my habits...don't make me beg.

Here's a sampling of my taste:

Gucci

Prada

Louboutin

YSL

Gucci

Oh yeah, I also got a new purse:

my new Rebecca Minkoff Nikki bag...it's like buttah and I'm in love

Hump Day Hockey

2010-02-24T17:29:00.007-06:00

Team USA Hottie, Zach Parise

Okay...I feel like a creep...I just referred to a 25-year-old as a hottie. *handslap* He is. *forgiveness*

In addition to being easy on the eyes, Zach is a badass on the ice. He scored both goals today as Team USA blanked Switzerland. The win clinched our boys a spot in the medal round. While I subscribe to the theory that the Olympics were much more fun during the Cold War, I must admit that this Men's Hockey Team has been pretty damn exciting to watch.

According to Wikipedia (my source for information), Zach's middle name is America. Whether or not Wiki is accurate on this factoid is uncertain. If not, he can go back to Zachary Andrew (or whatever) after the Olympics. His middle name is indeed Andrew...to quote a friend: heart-ache.

Congrats and Good Luck to Zach and the rest of the US Men's Hockey Team!!! USA! USA! USA!

GQ? More Like GDQ

2010-02-22T19:07:00.006-06:00

I love fashion...but. . .D U D E???

ISABEL MASTACHE Fall Winter 2010 / 11 Cibeles from NEOMODA on Vimeo.

Don't miss the pants at 0:57. Rumor has it that Chaz Bono has ordered them in a variety of colors.

UPDATE: I couldn't resist, I had to add a still shot of Chaz's pants:

Nom, Nom, Nom

2010-02-17T17:57:00.005-06:00

O hai there...nom, nom, nom

Happy Twitaversary to Meeeee!!

2010-02-16T13:20:00.003-06:00

One year ago today, I joined Twitter. My life hasn't been quite the same since...if you follow me, yours probably hasn't either.

The new friends I've made along with the influx of political and world news have made life without Twitter inconceivable. I hope to meet up with a mahvelous few one day soon, the crazies and weirdos not so much...

If you haven't joined Twitter...you really should, unless you're 'busy and important' like my husband who prefers to interact with people he actually knows irl. It's no wonder that I'm the fun one in this relationship.

Today is also KIM Jong Il's birthday. Happy Birthday, Crazypants:

They Say It's Your Birthday, It's My Birthday Too, Yeah!!!

2010-02-15T12:04:00.007-06:00

Well, it's here...the day after yesterday...also known as the day that Necco Sweetheart Conversation Heart candies will basically be free at Target. You see, I lurve those little artificially flavored sugar bombs (save for the white ones, those tiny white devils are worse than popcorn flavored jelly beans). So...if you see me tonight with pastel stained fingers, I channeled Richard Pryor and we had some fun.

Today is also Presidents' Day or simply Washington's Day, depending on where you live (and at Glenn Beck's place). In honor of our former Presidents' birthdays, enjoy a happy hour cocktail or a $5 foot long on Abe...George should cover the tip and a maybe some Tic Tacs.

Evan Bayh spent his Presidents' Day making some especially newsy news by announcing that he is retiring from the US Senate. At his presser Bayh added: "I am an Executive at heart." Hmmmm....

Memba this...?

and the speculation begins...

And finally...today begins the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (USA 2/15-16 8/7C). Sadie the Scottish Terrier is favored to win it all...but I'm pulling for Lincoln the Chihuahua. Fergie doesn't agree, but he's just jealous of Lincoln's longer mane (and his balls). I mean, seriously, Fergie...it *is* Presidents' Day!!!

Happy [Expletive] Valentine's Day

2010-02-11T16:31:00.010-06:00

I hate Valentine's Day but, as a fan of capitalism, I appreciate it for what it is...an economy stimulant. Flowers, cards, candy, lingerie, cutesy stuffed critters and jewelry sales are all optimized during the week of February 14th. Personally I like to spend the day self-medicated watching zombie movies, ideally smoking two at a time...however, a new pair of Louboutins have the potential to make me feel slightly more romantical...Honey, if you're paying attention, I'm a size 39.

Are you strapped for cash or unsure about what to send your crush? No worries, the RNC has you covered, check out their V-Day ecards here. Happy [Expletive] Valentine's Day??? I think I'm in love.

Anyhoohah, here are my tools for a happy VD:

Tissues

I have a cold.

Smokey Treats

Vicodin
nom, nom, nom

Grey Goose, duh

A variety of zombie flicks including, one of my favorites: Shaun of the Dead

my cozy friend

Fergie, o'course

oh yeah...and these are the shoes I want...Psst, Honey? Hey, where'd you go???

Oh, When the Saints Go Marching in...

2010-02-08T18:54:00.005-06:00

Fergie gloats:

Congrats to Fergie and the Saints

Super Sunday!!!

2010-02-07T13:35:00.004-06:00

a Chihuahua (not Fergie) looking Misdorable (half miserable-half adorable)

Well it's finally here...Super Bowl Sunday. Way back on September 10th we all had high hopes for our favorite team (save maybe for Raiders fans) and now after 22 agonizing, thrilling yet long weeks, today a champion will be crowned. Fans, like myself, of one of the other 30 NFL teams can breath easy, as we wean ourselves off the meds. We say we don't care, but we do...don't we?

I'm picking the Colts aka Team Haiti, Fergie is going with the Saints aka Team Katrina...probably because of this:

Lazy Saturday

2010-02-06T19:16:00.008-06:00

Ahhhh...the life of a dog:

In other, more exciting news, the lovely Karol over at Alarming News welcomed a baby girl, Sadie Sarra, on Friday morning. Mazel Tov, Karol!!!

Newsgasm Recap

2010-01-31T16:01:00.007-06:00

Lately I have felt quite squirrely. Between Brad and Angie break-up rumors and the 9-11 Terror Trials Where-Dat fiasco...my head is spinning. A newsgasm recap if you will (in no particular order):

John "Son of a Mill Worker" Edwards' former aide, Andrew Young, has a juicy book coming out this week. The Politician details the disturbing relationship between Edwards, his mistress, Rielle Hunter and Young. 2010 already hasn't been a good year for Edwards. Between Game Change, the book full of stories about the 2008 campaign (including this must read) by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin, Young's book which mentions a sex tape (side note: Hunter wants it back) and Mrs. Edwards giving Johnboy the old heave ho, I think somebody is going to be celebrating the Chinese New Year with some enthusiasm. Good riddance, Year of the Ox...Hello, Year of the Tiger!

Beauty and the Beard aka Angie and Brad are they or aren't they breaking up??? I know, who cares, right? Well...I guess I do. As someone that publicly (on Twitter), supports Team Aniston...nothing would please me (and Jen) more than the end of Brad and Angie...but...for now at least Brangelina's brood seems to be just "fine".

The State of the Union is strong, but. . . The President wants to spend more money on a new jobs bill, get a health-care reform bill passed, raise taxes on *everyone* for the greater good of the planet or something, there was also a blip about a spending freeze (next year), a one-liner calling for a repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell for gays in the military and my personal favorite moment of the evening, when Obama managed to try to bully the Supremes, for protecting Free Speech, because apparently he doesn't trust the FEC to do their job. Well done, Obama...I give you a good solid B+. *thumbs up*

KSM, first of all...dude, what happened to him??? President Obama and resident administration turd, Attorney General Holder are rethinking where/how to hold the 9/11 Terror Trials. If I didn't know any better (actually I don't) I'd swear they flipped a coin and decided on a criminal trial instead of a military tribunal for the self-proclaimed 9/11 mastermind and his four goon co-defendants. Good news! Guantanamo Bay is still an option. Put me down for Team Gitmo! Side note: Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh (D) said on Fox News Sunday, he doesn't support Obama's additional $200 million to cover civilian trails for the terror suspects. Hmmmm...Sounds like Bayh is on Team Gitmo, too. *smiling widely*

Kurt Warner retired...which puts My Baby Daddy Leinart at the helm of the Cardinals...which means Arizona will BOLO for a new QB in the off-season. And, if you're wondering how Warner's departure effects fantasy football...this is for you.

Fun-o-meter Watch: Brett Favre's brother, Scott, told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that Brett "was beat all to hell" after the game against the Saints. Yeah, Scott, we saw the game. This year, Brett had his best season, save for the storybook Super Bowl victory ending. But not everyone can go out like Elway. Unlike Marino and Kelly, Favre has a Super Bowl ring. Hang up the helmet, Brett...your time has come.

A Pot Pie Superlative

2010-01-25T18:22:00.003-06:00

I ~~like~~ love pot pies...but not as much as this Illinois Walmart shopper:

Damn, baby...where do you put it? Oh, never mind.

If you haven't visited peopleofwalmart.com, you're missing out. Enjoy and oh yeah...I'm off pot pies for a while.

Follow the Treasure Trail...

2010-01-19T14:56:00.006-06:00

Scott Brown in Cosmo, 1982

Looks like Scott Brown's treasure trail leads to DC. Fitting, I suppose, considering there's no shortage of dicks in our nation's capital. I am lukewarm to candidate Brown. He lent his hand to RomneyCare as a Massachusetts State Senator named for and signed into law by Gov. Mitt "l like mandates" Romney. Brown is also one of those "settled law" Republicans that refers to Roe v. Wade and same sex marriage (in Massachusetts) as such, while opposing those views...because, he's a lawyer and a politician, making him very good at double-talk.

I'm not a lawyer or a politician so I can write/say whatever craziness I want to...like...I would like to see Roe v. Wade overturned, because it is unconstitutional. The US Constitution protects life, if the lack of a heartbeat means that you are dead, then the presence of one means life. It's pretty basic. Also, I do not support a Constitutional Amendment, defining marriage. If gays want to get married, I don't care. It's none of my business. Most married people are miserable, if they want to be miserable, who am I to stop them? I like the Constitution...especially now that it allows, women, including me, to vote. The only amendment I would support is one for Legislative Term Limits on Capitol Hill.

Scott Brown raised millions of dollars last week from Republicans all over the country. My cynical side (heh, like I have another) says that these Republicans will soon refer to Senator Brown as a RINO, because well, he kind of is...but it is Massachusetts so it's not all that shocking...in fact, he will likely win this election because of moderate Democrats voting for him. Another point cynical Rebecca would like to make: A Kennedy has represented Massachusetts in this seat since 1952, the thought of a Republican, even a RINO sitting in it, makes the conservatives D R O O L. Talk-radiogasm.

PS: Is it just me or does he have really tiny hands?

Love Thy Neighbor

2010-01-13T11:18:00.006-06:00

Many of my conservative compadres have donated their hard earned cash to Scott Brown's campaign in Massachusetts, pushing him well over the $1 million mark. In case you haven't heard, Brown is running against Democrat, state AG Martha Coakley to represent Massachusetts in the US Senate, in the seat left vacant after the passing of Senator Edward Kennedy.

If you are one of those conservatives that donated money to Brown, please make another donation to: The American Red Cross in aid of their relief effort in Haiti after the devastating 7.0 earthquake that rocked our neighbor to the south yesterday. If you didn't donate to Brown, please open up your wallet for this cause.

As Americans we cannot begin to imagine the devastation in Haiti. Hurricane Katrina was nothing compared to this. No power, no telephones, major structural damage to roadways. Thousands of homes and buildings including the hospital, the UN Headquarters, the local Red Cross Chapter and missionary compounds have been reduced to rubble. The loss of life...catastrophic.

President Obama has sent a disaster relief team to coordinate this massive recovery campaign alongside MINUSTAH and other international organizations. I am asking you to be neighborly and help out. If you've got $10 (or more) and I know you do...put it here.

My New Hero

2010-01-06T19:08:00.004-06:00

Former American Airlines CEO Bob Crandall's no bullshit interview regarding airline security, on Your World with Neil Cavuto. It's not about the things, stupid, it's about the people.

The Best Way to Waste Time Online

2010-01-02T12:12:00.004-06:00

Possibly the best way to waste some time online is over at xtranormal. I heard about this site from the bestest show on television, Red Eye w/Greg Gutfeld on the Fox News Channel. Here's the latest installment of Greg and the gang's xtranormal wit.

I was inspired to make my own skit, after a Twitter friend posted this gem.

I was going for offensive with a side of stupidity...enjoy!

Happy 2010!!!

2009-12-31T23:11:00.003-06:00

Wishing all of my family, friends and Twittertown neighbors a healthy and happy 2010!

xoxo *smooooooch*

Welcome Home

2009-12-30T13:20:00.009-06:00

For the second consecutive Christmas, our family guested in Costa Rica. The ten days went by quickly, as vacations tend to do. We stayed in Jaco Beach on the Pacific Coast at the Club del Mar resort. You won't find a nicer staff anywhere on the planet.

After four straight days of tropical rain which led to a bazillion calories of food and drink, I was ready for some sun. Tuesday, I was awakened by a lawnmower coiffing the grounds outside of our garden condo, it was a welcome sound, as it meant that it was no longer raining. I jumped up, awakened the husband and tadpoles, threw on my swimsuit, sucked in my gut, grabbed my book and soaked up a healthy dose of Vitamin D (and some daiquiris). We had great weather the rest of the week. The husband and tadpoles went ziplining...I passed. The male youngling took a two-hour private surf lesson, the little kahuna is a natural. The female youngling and I played competitive pool volleyball...while the boys went on a horseback ride. Nothing says family fun like whacking a volleyball at each other. The people of Costa Rica are some of the nicest in the world, you go from being treated like a special guest to being treated like an adored family member. There were warm embraces as we said goodbye (and yes, the warmest went to my favorite bartender). Visit, just stay clear of San Jose...like any big city it's dirty and higher in crime.

Our flight home on December 27th was just two days after the crotch bomber incident, so air travel was even more inconvenient. We arrived at the San Jose airport (we spent our last night in San Jose, as Jaco is about two hours away) at 10:30 am for a 1:45 pm flight. The lines were long, travelers were tired and confused. Between the flaming nutsack and all of the snow in the states, there were more than a few delays. Continental Airlines out of Costa Rica would not allow *any* liquids or make-up powders in your carry-on bag. So, after waiting in line to pay the exit travel tax of $26 and then waiting in line to check our bags at the airline counter, we were scrambling to locate all of our carefully packed ziploc bags of liquids and powder make-up in our carry-on bags to place them in our suitcases. I said a little prayer for my baggie full of cherished lip glosses to make it back to me unscathed, it did. I will say that the Continental Airlines counter agent, Roger, was both kind and professional. He noted that our seats were not together and moved us around so that our family of four had and entire row to ourselves (the flight was not full).

Bags checked, through security and still about two hours before our flight, we decided to peruse the gift shop where the most popular t-shirt read "Costa Rica No Army", we grabbed some food court fare and made our way to the gate. They made us all show our boarding passes and passports once again at the gate counter, then they lined us all up and checked our carry-on baggage for contraband. They confiscated all liquids that they found, pissing off (mostly women) left and right. After that we were all frisked in the bridge, just before boarding the plane. Our flight left about 40 minutes late, due to the new security measures and in spite of our early arrival to the airport.

Our 737 was equipped with Directv programing, the television screens are located in the back of the seat in front of you, the charge is $6 per person. The tadpoles and husband enjoyed this feature on the flight to Costa Rica, I slept. However, this time, due to new security measures, there was NO in-flight entertainment allowed on this or any International flights entering the US. Apparently, there is a map option that shows you (with accuracy) what you are flying over. To be honest, I think the husband was more upset than the kids were. No worries, after a couple of Bacardi and diets he went to sleepytown. Other changes in security, that we experienced, have since been relaxed: 1) not being able to get out of your seat the last hour of the flight 2) not being allowed to have *anything* on your lap during the last hour (including a book, also the tray tables had to be up...no word on what happened if you were traveling with a baby...I guess you would've had to hold junior over your head) 3) no blankets or pillows

I guess the TSA realized that punishing patrons with ridiculous new regulations isn't the best policy against real threats. I'm a US citizen with a passport, traveling with my family...until a domestic terrorist blows up an aircraft with his wife and kids on board, you can leave us alone.

In closing I'd just like to say: I love my country very much. The freedoms that we have here are something to be celebrated. The opportunities for success in our country are longed for in others. Our comforts are taken for granted...when the Customs Agent said "welcome home" I felt warm and fuzzy all over.